Jokes
Christmas Jokes
Imagine the snow that cover the landscape. Every step you take you can hear the lovely sound of snow crunching under your shoes. Many love this time of year and you get in a certain mood. Christmas jokes are dedicated for this time of year, that many are waiting for.
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- While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”
The boy became very quiet.
So, moving the conversation along, I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”
He promptly replied, “Another train.”
- While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”
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- Don’t you hate that awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents!
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- What is said by one snowman to the other snowman?
Answer: Can you smell carrot?
- What is said by one snowman to the other snowman?
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- What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?
A puddle!
- What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?
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- It’s a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”
Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!” said Rosita.
Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Pedro begged.
“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.” replied Rosita.
Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.”
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.
“Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”
- It’s a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”
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- What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
Saint Nickel-less.
- What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
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- What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper!
- What do you call an elf who sings?
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- The 4 stages of life:
1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3. You dress up as Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus
- The 4 stages of life:
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- Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
- Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
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- How do you know that Santa is a man?
Answer: No woman wears the same attire every year.
- How do you know that Santa is a man?
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- Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!
- Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
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- One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass.
He gave my brother a box of Band-Aids and said, “You two share.”
- One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass.
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- What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
- What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
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- Why is Christmas just like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
- Why is Christmas just like your job?
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- What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
- What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
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- Why is Santa so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
- Why is Santa so jolly?
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- You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Great Christmas jokes
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- What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?
Sandy Clause!
- What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?
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- What do you call a can wearing a Christmas hat?
A Merry Can (American).
- What do you call a can wearing a Christmas hat?
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- What says Oh Oh Oh?
Santa walking backwards!
- What says Oh Oh Oh?
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- What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
Snowballs.
- What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
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- What do you call a dog who works for Santa?
Santa Paws!
- What do you call a dog who works for Santa?
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- I once bought my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying.
“Toys not included.”
- I once bought my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying.
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- I tell my kids that Santa is fat because he eats the children who get up early on Christmas morning.
That way, I get to sleep in.
- I tell my kids that Santa is fat because he eats the children who get up early on Christmas morning.
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- What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
- What nationality is Santa Claus?
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- Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen always wet?
Because they are rain deer.
- Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen always wet?
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- What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
- What does Santa do with fat elves?
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- What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
- What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
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- What’s a good Christmas tip?
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
- What’s a good Christmas tip?
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- What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
Santa Clues!
- What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
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- For Christmas I want Santa’s list of naughty girls.
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- What did the sea Say to Santa?
Nothing! It just waved!
- What did the sea Say to Santa?
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- Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
- Why does Santa have three gardens?
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- What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
- What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
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- What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
- What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
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- Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
- Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
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- Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it ‘soots’ him!
- Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
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- What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
Santa going through a revolving door!
- What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
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- What is Santa’s favorite place to deliver presents?
Idaho-ho-ho!
- What is Santa’s favorite place to deliver presents?
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- Where does Santa go when he’s sick?
To the elf centre!
- Where does Santa go when he’s sick?
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- Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
- Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
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- What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!
- What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
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- What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
- What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
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- Where do elves go to dance?
Christmas Balls!
- Where do elves go to dance?
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- What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
- What did Santa say to the smoker?
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- What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Krisp Kringle!
- What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
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- Who is the king of Santa’s rock and roll helpers?
Elfis! (Thank you, thank you very much!)
- Who is the king of Santa’s rock and roll helpers?
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- What do elves eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes!
- What do elves eat for breakfast?
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- What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling?
An elfcicle!
- What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling?
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- Who delivers presents to cats?
Santa Paws!
- Who delivers presents to cats?
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- What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!
- What do you call a cat in the desert?
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- Who is Santa Claus married to?
Mary Christmas!
- Who is Santa Claus married to?
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- What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train?
Platforms!
- What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train?
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- What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!
- What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
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- Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
- Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
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- How long do a reindeers legs have to be?
Long enough so they can touch the ground!
- How long do a reindeers legs have to be?
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- What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
- What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
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- Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!
- Did Rudolph go to school?
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- Which of Santa’s reindeers have to mind their manners most?
Rude-olph!
- Which of Santa’s reindeers have to mind their manners most?
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- What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
It got gobbled!
- What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
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- Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn’t chicken!
- Why did the turkey cross the road?
Amazing christmas jokes
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- Why did the Rudolph cross the road?
Because he was tied to the chicken!
- Why did the Rudolph cross the road?
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- What do you call Rudolph with lots of snow in his ears.
Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
- What do you call Rudolph with lots of snow in his ears.
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- Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
- Why did the turkey join the band?
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- Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken’s day off!
- Why did the turkey cross the road?
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- When is a boat just like snow?
When its adrift!
- When is a boat just like snow?
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- How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle.
- How do snowmen get around?
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- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
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- What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
- What do snowmen wear on their heads?
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- What song do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
- What song do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
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- What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Iceburgers!
- What do snowmen eat for lunch?
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- What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
- What carol is heard in the desert?
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- What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
- What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
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- How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that’s deep pan, crisp and even!
- How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
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- Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
- Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
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- What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards!
- What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
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- How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has “no EL”!
- How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?
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- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
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- How did Scrooge with the football game?
The ghost of christmas passed!
- How did Scrooge with the football game?
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- What is the best xmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
- What is the best xmas present in the world?
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- How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
- How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
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- What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas?
Excemas!
- What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas?
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- What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
- What athlete is warmest in winter?
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- What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
- What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
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- Why do ghosts live in the fridge?
Because it’s cool!
- Why do ghosts live in the fridge?
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- What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ‘ribbet ribbet’?
A Mistle-toad!
- What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ‘ribbet ribbet’?
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- What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
‘I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’
- What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
The last 15 Christmas jokes
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- Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
They keep loosing their needles!
- Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
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- What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
- What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
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- Where would you find chili beans?
At the north pole!
- Where would you find chili beans?
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- What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake?
Your teeth!
- What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake?
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- What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
A pineapple!
- What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
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- What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of?
You!
- What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of?
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- Why don’t penguins fly?
Because they’re not tall enough to be pilots!
- Why don’t penguins fly?
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- What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!
- What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
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- What do you call a three legged donkey?
A wonky donkey!
- What do you call a three legged donkey?
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- What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad!
- What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
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- What do sheep say at Christmas?
Wool-tide Bleatings! or A Merry Christmas to Ewe!
- What do sheep say at Christmas?
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- What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
- What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
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- Children: This turkey tastes like an old sofa!
Mom: Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing!
- Children: This turkey tastes like an old sofa!
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- Which football team did the baby Jesus support?
Manger-ster United!
- Which football team did the baby Jesus support?
Christmas is a time when you have to celebrate not only each other but also life. Unfortunately, many associate Christmas with stress, Christmas gifts one have to buy, the food must be prepared and the home must be decorated. But when all this is over, you can really enjoy time with the family. Out and chop a tree or just buy it. Bring it home and decorate it as tradition. The food which has prepared in the kitchen is now ready and the family waiting eagerly. And then comes the time to share gifts. This time of year is especially magical for children, this experience will live with them the rest of their lives. And they will bring this tradition to their own family in the future. I made this list of Christmas jokes so you can relax a bit and get rid of all the stress. I’m going to add more jokes of the same genre.
