The 50 Most Funny Quotes About Work

Funny Quotes About Work -When people talk about their work and jobs in general, there are those with some hilarious lines about it. No matter the job, everyone has something funny to say about work and everything involved with it. Whether it be about the long hours or dealing with types of bosses and coworkers, there is always something funny to say about the subject of work. Whatever someone may feel about their job, people can always appreciate something to laugh at. This is shown with the following funny quotes about work:

• “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.”
• “Yes, I just took a coffee break 15 minutes ago. Yes, I’m going to take another one right now. Staying caffeinated is in my job description.”
• “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” – Groucho Marx
• “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” – Sarah Brown
• “Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” – J. Paul Getty
• “If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” – Woody Allen
• “A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” – Zig Ziglar
• “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.”
• “Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.” 
• “Remember that, at one point, you wanted this job badly enough to apply for it!”
• “I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”
• “Happy hour is how they get us to forget how stressful our jobs are. Works for me!”
• “A job is your key to unlocking a paycheck.”
• “I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
• “You’ll always be remembered for how quickly you responded to work emails.”

More Funny Quotes About Work

• “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde
• “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” – Claude McDonald
• “A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” – William C. Feather
• “I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” – Homer Simpson
• “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
• “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” – Don Marquis
• “Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoret
• “Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.”
• “Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
• “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
• “People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
• “If we’re such a dream team, why don’t we get to take naps at work?”
• “Whenever you feel like quitting, remember how awful it is to write cover letters.”
• “Don’t work so hard! You’ll make the rest of us look lazy.”
• “My current side hustle is applying to other companies I’d rather be working for.”

Other Funny Lines About Jobs

• “The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” – Dennis Miller
• “If each day is a gift, then I’d like to know where I can return Mondays.” – John Wagner
• “When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
• “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
• “When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
• “Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
• “As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” – Tom Goins
• “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” – Jerome K. Jerome
• “If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
• “Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.” – Scott Adams
• “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vince Lombardi
• “There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.​” – David Letterman
• “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
• “Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.”
• “Right about now you’re wishing you actually took that Excel course you put on your resume.”
• “Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.”
• “I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”
• “There are two kinds of people in the world: people who hate their jobs and people who are lying to themselves.”
• “There are days one should really just sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.”
• “I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.”

Looking for more laughs? Check out our Guess Who Jokes and Funny Greetings.