The 30+ Best and Funniest Glasses Jokes

Glasses Jokes – When talking about glasses the first thing that comes to mind is the eyewear. Sometimes though it can be about the glassware. Either way, there are a variety of jokes that covers both items. Whether you wear spectacles or not, some of these jokes can help perk up your day. Some of these jokes can range from playful jabs at the bespectacled community to clever wordplay involving lenses and frames. Clever wordplay can also apply to jokes about the dishware. Whatever the type of joke or whichever the topic covered, these are some of the best glasses jokes to help bring a laugh to your day:

• Respect people who wear glasses. They paid money to see you.
• Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed? Everybody.
• What’s the one thing that changed the way you see the world? For me it was glasses
• My plan for tomorrow is to get some new glasses. After that I guess I’ll just see what happens
• To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you. I have contacts.
• My earliest childhood memory is visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses. Life before that was a blur.
• Doctor, Doctor! I think I need glasses! You certainly do, sir. This is a fish and chip shop.
• What do you call a kid with ADHD who needs glasses? AD420p
• I wore glasses to my job interview. Because getting a good job is all about optics.
• I need glasses to see my family. Specially two glasses or scotch

More Glasses Jokes

• So my husband told me I look better without my glasses. I said, thanks, you look better without my glasses too
• Just so everybody’s clear…I’m going to put my glasses on.
• A car dealership in Sweden began selling glasses as a secondary front. They’re calling it “Eye-Kia”.
• I took my glasses off.I had seen enough.
• I just discovered my glasses have smudges on them? I’ve been giving people dirty looks all day.
• Why do you never see a phone wearing glasses?Because they have contacts.
• Why can’t football players wear glasses? It’s a contacts sport
• Why did the kid with thick glasses go to the public swimming pool? He wanted to get adult super vision.
• Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? Because they don’t C#
• Why should you wear glasses when doing maths? Because they help with division.
• Why did the kid with thick glasses go to the public swimming pool? He wanted to get adult super vision.
• What happened to the pirate who started wearing glasses? People started calling him “Three Eyes.”

Additional Jokes About Glasses

• I ended up sitting right on my glasses when I got in the car today. It hurts a little, but at least my hind-site is 20-20 now.
• Did you guys see that scientists invented a pill that kills your thirst? You just have to take the pill then have two large glasses of water.
• What type of glasses make you blind? Shot glasses.
• My grandmother lived to 98 and she never needed glasses. She preferred to drink straight from the bottle.
• Why do bartenders always salt the rim on the glasses when making margaritas? To prevent the spirits from getting out.
• How do you get Beer Goggles? You put alcohol in your Drinking Glasses.
• After returning from the eye doctor, my dad started chugging milk straight from the carton. When asked why, he said, “The doctor told me I don’t need glasses.”
• This past week I made a couple of bucks selling fake eclipse glasses. I’m not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.
• My glasses are made of old ketchup bottles.In Heinz-sight, that was a bad idea.
• Which side of a glass of water does Gary Larson drink from? Neither. He ordered a cheeseburger.

Did you enjoy these jokes? Then you may like our Jokes about Being Tired and Jokes About Coffee.