Kenny Powers Quotes

Kenny Powers quotes – known as the brash P.E. teacher of the Eastbound & Down series, Kenny Powers is a character that doesn’t mince his words. Throughout his story in the series, this character delivered his share of blunt and memorable lines. Here are some of the top Kenny Powers Quotes for different moments:

Top 10 Memorable Kenny Powers Quotes

• “Everyone wanted a piece of my sht. Just a man with a mind for victory and an arm like a f*king cannon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm.”
• “If there’s one thing I hate, it’s losing. If there are two things I hate, then it’s losing and getting cancer.”
• “Once upon a time, I believed in destiny, but now I say, F that B. Everything I have in this life, I earned myself. There’s no cosmic luck deciding shit for us. My wealth, my fame, my World Series pennant — I earned myself. The one thing I didn’t earn myself was when I caught crabs. I think I got those from sleeping at a Red Roof Inn.”
• “A man fights and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pssies. And my ass ain’t no pssy. My ass is a f*cking champion.”
• “I’m sober and ready to destroy the competitions.”
• “Fundamentals are the crutch for the talentless.”
• “The good thing about getting over depression is…well…you can start to see your enemies more clearly. Suddenly, everyone isn’t an obstacle, just some people are.”
• “Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a shit.”
• “I brought you guys up from less than f*ckin’ nothin’, and took you up to a championship level, only to abandon you there.”
• “The good thing about getting over depression is…well…you can start to see your enemies more clearly. Suddenly, everyone isn’t an obstacle, just some people are.”

Top 10 Funny Kenny Powers Quotes

• “Is that my thong? Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no-no!”
• “I can’t believe I opened up my heart up to that bitch. Opened it wide up. And she just squatted with that big beautiful booty and dumped all over it.”
• “What is that smell?…What did you eat? Diarrhea?”
• “Why give 100% when 35% will get you paid and laid.”
• “Toby, what do you want from me? I’ve been super cool to you. I’ve given you a bowl of Chex Mix and some water. Why are you making curses upon me? If I give you a toy, will that erase the curse?”
• “How does any genius figure out his inventions? I mean, how did Leonardo DiCaprio figure out about gravity? ‘Cause the bitch was sleepin’ underneath a tree and an apple hit him on his head.”
• “Sounds like Fifty Shades of Gross to me, motherf*cker.”
• “Cut to black. Audience goes f*cking apeshit.”
• “OK, Toby, here we go, bud. We’re going to put you on the big people’s furniture. Try not to shit all over it, OK?”
• “I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising. F*ck this guy.”

Top 10 Insightful and Impactful Lines

• “I learned a lot down in Mexico. I learned that sometimes to be the man, you gotta beat the man. I learned the grass is not always greener. I learned that adversity’s sweet milk. That’s philosophy, April.”
• “Ask anybody out there, and they’ll tell you that the foundation of a great baseball player starts with an understanding of some basic fundamentals: running, stretching, physical conditioning. These are the things that prepare your body for the many challenges a baseball player faces.”
• “There have been many comebacks throughout history…Well, my comeback is almost complete, and I can say that, when it is complete, it will shake the pillars of this land or town.’”
• “A quest is nothin’ if you got no one to brag about it to, will never reach the end if you’re only doing it for yourself. Me, I’m doing it for a girl I had to leave behind just to get this far. Now I gotta go a little further to get back to her. All I can do is hope that one day she’ll understand, and when that day comes, it’s not too late.”
• “In most of nature, the alpha is the strongest of the pack. Creature of immense strength, large in size, a leader from birth, hippos, bumblebees, Wayans brothers – most of the time, they just look to the biggest amongst them.”
• “Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is I’m not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and all the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.”
• “There’s no better feeling than winning.”
• “If you’ve got something you want to say, then just say it.”
• “Kenny Powers is a man. Kenny Powers is an athlete. Kenny Powers is a lover. But the most he is, I mean, the thing that Kenny Powers is the most, is a goddamn champion.” 
• “Oddly enough, the people here aren’t that different from the ones back home, when you get past the lack of interest in real sports, and the need to have yellow rice at every fuckin’ meal.”

Even More Memorable Lines

• “I brought you guys up from less than f*ckin’ nothin’, and took you up to a championship level, only to abandon you there.”
• “Do I have all the attentions of everyone? Attentions please. For those of y’all who do not know who I am, my name is Kenny Powers. And as fcked-up and weird as it may seem, I used to be a teacher here. But now I return to you. A victor, a champion, a man who has defeated the face of Mexican baseball… not to… get back my old job… fck that noise.”
• “Stay in school. Fight the power. Don’t do drugs. Unless, of course, you’re doing them with me.”
• “I’m sick and tired of carrying all the weight… the coaches and owners not giving me the sht I need to win. Atlanta, you’re fuking out. Kenny Powers is now a free agent. Let’s find a bar and get sh*t-faced.”
• “When my ass was 19 years old, I changed the face of professional baseball. I was handed the keys to the kingdom.”

Did you like this character’s top lines? Then you may also like our “Rick Grimes Quotes” or “The Mandalorian Quotes.“

If you’d like to see some of this character’s best moments, check out this video: