Lame Jokes

Hey Guys. It’s time for some lame jokes. And yeah I know many of you think that this is boring and not worth the time. But I can promise you that you will be addicted to these jokes. At first they are silly and weird but with time, they grow on you. Give them it a chance.

• • What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
    Depresso.

• • What does an annoying pepper do?
    It get’s jalapeño face.

• • Where do animals go when their tails fall off?
    The retail store.

• • Why can’t a bike stand up on it’s own?
    Because it’s two tired.

• • I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.

• • Why can’t you trust trees?
    Because they are shady.

• • What do you call a fake noodle?
    An impasta!

• • Why did the scarecrow win an award?
    Because he was outstanding in his field.

• • Why do shoemakers go to heaven?
    Because they have good soles.

• • Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
    He got tired of the hole thing!

• • Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?
    Dr. Dre

• • Why can’t pirates finish the alphabet?
    Because they got lost at C!

• • What did Barack Obama say to Michelle when he proposed?
    I don’t wanna be Obama self.

• • How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?
    His hand slipped.

• • What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
    Guardians of the Galaxy.

• • What do you call an alligator that reads maps?
    A navigator.

• • “Knock knock”
    “Who’s there?”
    “Europe”
    “Europe who?”
    “No you’re a poo!”

• • Why was the cellphone wearing glasses?
    Because he lost all his contacts.

• • Have you ever watched the movie “Constipated”?
    It hasn’t come out yet.

• • Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke?
    Joke joke jooooke.

• • Why do seagulls live by the sea?
    Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels!

• • Why doesn’t Pac-Man use Twitter?
    He doesn’t like being followed.

• • My dog has no nose.
    So how does he smell?
    Awful.

• • If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit.
    They’re usually 90 degrees.

• • How does Moses make his tea?
    Hebrews it.

• • Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night.
    One was assaulted.

• • Why can’t you trust atoms?
    Because they make up everything!

• • Why did the hipster fall in the lake?
    He went ice skating before it was cool.

• • A termite walks into a bar room and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

• • What did one plate say to the other?
    Lunch is on me.

• • What did the vegetables say at the party?
    Lettuce turnip the beet!

• • “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.”
    “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”

• • Can February March?
    No, but April May.

• • What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
    Bison.

• • What did the apple say to the orange?
    Nothing, apples don’t talk.

• • I had a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.

• • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
    A thesaurus.

• • What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
    Take him out for a drag.

• • Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
    Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

• • Why was Cinderella kicked off the softball team?
    Because she kept running from the ball.

• • Famous last words of a mafia hitman.
    “Who put the violin in the violin case?”

• • What do a base ball team and a pancake have in common?
    They both need a good batter.

• • What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?
    I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!

• • How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

Many more lame jokes

• • What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
    It goes back four seconds.

• • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school!?
    It’s okay. He woke up.

• • What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
    Robin, get in the car.

• • What do you call a car that everyone can buy?
    Afford.

• • Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
    He didn’t have the guts.

• • Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower?
    That’s because he hides well.

• • What is the slipperiest country in the world?
    Greece!

• • What did the hat say to the tie?
    You hang here, I’ll go on a head!

• • How do you catch a squirrel?
    Just climb up a tree and act like a nut!

• • What do you call birds that stick together?
    Velcrows!

• • Why do cemeteries have walls?
    Because people are dying to get in!

• • Why are frogs so happy?
    They eat whatever bugs them!

• • They could make a pencil with erasers on both ends, but what would be the point?

• • I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

• • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
    He’s all right now.

• • Doctor Doctor! I’ve broken my arms in several places!
    Doctor: Well don’t go to those places anymore!

• • What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
    Breathe!

• • Did you hear about the two skydivers that got married in the air?
    They where falling in love.

• • What do you call a lost wolf?
    A where-wolf!

• • Need an ark?
    I Noah guy.

• • My boss told me to have a good day.
    So I went home.

• • What did one piece of wood say to another?
    I’m bored.

• • Why do pancakes get healthier when you stack them?
    It becomes a balanced breakfast!

• • What do you call a shoe made from a banana?
    A slipper.

• • Did you hear about the angry pancake?
    He just flipped.

• • I tried to catch some Fog.
    I mist.

• • What did one eye say to the other?
    Between you and me something smells.

• • What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    No eye deer.

• • What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummy bear.

• • What do you call a watch on a belt?
    A waist of time!

• • What did the hotdog say after the race?
    I’m the wiener!

• • What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
    Every morning you rise and shine.

• • What do you call it when a banana eats another banana?
    Canabananalism.

• • What’s the difference between a bird and a fly?
    A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird.

• • I have a boyfriend and he is in another nation.
    Imagination.

• • What do you call a cow with two legs missing?
    Lean Beef.

• • I always wondered where the sun went at night – this morning it dawned on me!

• • Why did the farmer name his pig ink?
    Because he kept running out of the pen.

• • What kinds of mistakes are common in a blood bank?
    Type-Os.

• • What did one wall say to the other?
    Meet you at the corner.

• • Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
    It said concentrate.

• • A man walks in to a bookstore and asks the clerk where the self-help section is.
    The clerk responds: If I told you that, wouldn’t it defeat the purpose?

• • Did you hear about the two guys that tried to steal a calendar?
    They each got six months.

• • How would you split the Roman Empire in half?
    With a pair of Caesars.

• • I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

• • How do you cut the sea in half?
    With a sea saw.

• • Can a kangaroo jump higher than the empire state building?
    Of course it can, the empire state building can’t jump!

• • Why couldn’t the pirates play cards?
    Because they were sitting on the deck!

• • Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.
    Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

• • What do you call a broken angle?
    A rektangle!

• • What kind of PC can sing really great?
    A Dell.

The last 15 lame jokes

• • The past, the present, and the future walked into a diner.
    It was tense.

• • Why was the broom late for the party?
    Because it over swept.

• • I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

• • Why was the king only a foot tall?
    He was a ruler.

• • Why do people carry umbrellas?
    Because umbrellas can’t walk.

• • What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
    A stick.

• • Which country does bacteria like the most?
    Germany.

• • Why was the ant so confused?
    Because all of his uncles were ants.

• • What has a bottom at its top?
    A leg.

• • 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t Happy.

• • I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind!

• • You wanna hear a joke about construction?
    Wait. I’m still working on it.

• • Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
    Because they taste funny.

• • What path do crazy people take in the forest?
    The psychopath.

• • Why was the stadium so cold?
    Because there were a lot of fans.

[/su_list] Some pretty serious guys telling each other some lame jokes.

This videoe was uploaded by “Whistle Sports”

Well did these jokes grow on you or do you still find them boring? If you have a favorite from this list, you can post it in the comment below and why it is your favorite. And hey, don’t be a stranger alright? I will add more lame jokes to this list, so there will always be new material to read.

Have a good one.

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