Silly jokes

• • Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave?
    Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.
    Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?
    Man: No, I’m a barber.

• • Man to a butcher: “I’d like bull’s testicles.”
    Butcher: “So would I”

• • What did the paper say to the pencil?
    Write on!

• • Why did the math book look so sad?
    Because it had so many problems!

• • Why did the picture go to jail?
    Because it was framed.

• • What do elves learn in school?
    The elf-abet.

• • Where should a 500 pound alien go?
    On a diet.

• • Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
    He wanted to go to high school.

• • What did one toilet say to the other?
    You look a bit flushed.

• • What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to?
    Lonely.

• • What’s black, red, black, red, black, red?
    A zebra with a sun burn.

• • What did one wall say to the other wall?
    I’ll meet you at the corner.

• • Which flower talks the most?
    Tulips, of course, because they have two lips!

• • Why was the broom late?
    It over swept!

• • Where do pencils go for vacation?
    Pencil-vania.

• • Why do dragons sleep during the day?
    So they can fight knights!

• • What is green and sits crying in the corner?
    The incredible Sulk.

• • What gets wetter the more it dries?
    A towel.

• • Why are pigs not allowed to ride bikes?
    Because they lack the thumbs to ring the bell.

• • Why do bicycles fall over?
    Because they are two-tired!

• • What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
    Guardians of the Galaxy.

• • What part of the car is the laziest?
    The wheels, because they are always tired!

• • Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
    To go with the traffic jam!

• • What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
    Someday my prints will come!

• • How do you make a tissue dance?
    You put a little boogie in it.

• • What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer?
    Keep your shirt on!

Many more silly jokes

• • What is blue and smells like red paint?
    Blue paint.

• • We’re you long in the hospital?
    No, I was the same size I am now!

• • Why do cows wear bells?
    Their horns don’t work.

• • What did the stamp say to the envelope?
    Stick with me and we will go places!

• • What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
    The teacher says spit your gum out, and the train says “chew chew chew.”

• • What is blue and goes ding dong?
    An Avon lady at the North Pole!

• • Why are elephants so wrinkled?
    Because they take too long to iron!

• • What’s the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
    Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?

• • What do you call a fake noodle?
    An impasta!

• • Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
    Because he was sitting on the deck!

• • Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
    Because then it would be a foot!

• • Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?
    They had just finished a March of 31 days.

• • What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
    I think I’m coming down with something!

• • Why was the belt arrested?
    Because it held up some pants!

• • What makes the calendar seem so popular?
    Because it has a lot of dates!

• • Why are fish so smart?
    Because they live in schools!

• • Which hand is it better to write with?
    Neither, it’s best to write with a pen!

• • Why do you go to bed every night?
    Because the bed won’t come to you!

Here are the last 15 silly jokes

• • What did 0 say to 8?
    Nice belt!

• • What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
    Her nose!

• • Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
    He wanted to find Pluto!

• • What is green and has yellow wheels?
    Grass… I lied about the wheels!

• • What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
    A milk shake!

• • Why did Billy go out with a prune?
    Because he couldn’t find a date!

• • Did you hear about the robbery last night?
    Two clothes pins held up a pair of pants!

• • Why did the man run around his bed?
    To catch up on his sleep!

• • What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive?
    A minnie van!

• • Why do eskimos do their laundry in Tide?
    Because it’s too cold out-tide!

• • What has four wheels and flies?
    A garbage truck!

• • What do you call a pig that knows karate?
    A pork chop!

• • Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
    He wanted to make a clean get away!

• • Why don’t traffic lights ever go swimming?
    Because they take too long to change!

• • What goes up and down but does not move?
    Stairs.