The 30+ Best and Interesting Marriage Jokes

Marriage Jokes – Marriage is different for everyone. Sometimes it can be between long-time friends, other times it can be the result of a developed romance. Whatever the type of marriage, there is one thing that you can find plenty of on the subject. And that is jokes. Jokes about getting married or married life are plentiful and range in different types. While not everyone finds these types of jokes funny, there are a few silly ones that can bring a chuckle. If you are interested in what types of jokes about marriage can be funny, here are some great jokes you can enjoy for a laugh or share with someone:

• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
  – Rita Rudner
  
• Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?”
  
• If marriage is an institution and love is blind, then is love marriage similar to going to a blind institution?
  
• Being married to my wife is the best feeling ever because she is the only person who loves to steal my hoodies and blankets from me, leaving me cold.
  
• Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.
  
• Wife renewed me for another season.
  
• My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.
  
• Some people say their wedding was the best day of their lives. I guess they’ve never had two candy bars fall out of the vending machine simultaneously.
  
• I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat.
  
• Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!

Cute and Silly Marriage Jokes

• My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
  
• I agree this has been quite an emotional day for all of us, so emotional that even the wedding cake is in “tiers.” 
  
• Did you hear about the two bed bugs that were lovers? They got married in the spring.
  
• Two spiders got married today, right here. I also heard that they had met each other on the web.
  
• How did the Queen Bee end up getting married? The answer is simple, she ended up finding her honey.
  
• When two cell phones get married, the reception ought to be amazing.
  
• Marriage is becoming more and more progressive. I heard two scoutmasters recently decided to tie the knot.
  
• I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.
  
• What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newly-webs.
  
• Two cannonballs got married this morning. I heard they are already expecting BBs…
  
• Why did the moth stick to the bride’s face? Because she was glowing.
  
• Do you know why the king of hearts married the Queen of hearts? They were perfectly suited for each other.

Other Jokes About Married Life

• Everyone asks me what the secret to a long, happy marriage is. To that, I reply, “I am still figuring out the secret myself.
  
• My wife is a light eater … as soon as it’s light, she starts to eat.
  
•  Did you hear about the newlyweds who stayed up all night waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
  
• Marriage is like deleting all the apps on your phone except one.
  
• Why is marriage like a nice suit? At first, it’s a perfect fit, but after a while, you need alterations.
  
• I saw my wife putting on her sexy underwear this morning. This can only mean one thing. It’s laundry day.
  
• Today’s wedding is a love match, pure as simple. She’s pure, and he’s simple.
  
• My wife’s an Earth sign. I’m a Water sign. Together we make mud!
  
• My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we argued serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
  
• If a wife is laughing at her husband’s jokes, it means they have guests.
  
• The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
  
• The bride looks absolutely stunning, and the groom looks absolutely stunned!
  

If you liked these relationship jokes, then check out our “Dating me is Like Jokes” and “Funny Breakup Quotes.”