The 35+ Best Funny Breakup Quotes

Funny Breakup Quotes – A breakup is not a pleasant experience for plenty of people. Depending on the relationship, there are a variety of reasons for a couple to break up. Sometimes a couple will break up amicably, other times it is a painful experience for both parties. There are also times that a relationship leads to a natural end. Just as there are different ways to breakup with someone, there are several ways to deal with it. While a breakup can be painful, one way to get over it is to find a positive spin to the situation. These Funny Breakup Quotes to help find a smile after ending a relationship:

• “I’m moving on because we had religious differences. He thinks he’s God, and I don’t.”
  
• “Definition of Ex: Thanks for the Ex-perience. Our time has Ex-pired. Now, Ex-it my life.”
  
• “Our relationship is like my financial status: broke.”
  
• “Roses are red. Violets are blue. Trash is dumped and so are you.”
  
• “I may have cried when you left me, but I definitely laughed when I saw who you left me for.”
  
• “Congratulations on your break up! Nobody could stand that bastard any way.”
  
• “Next guy that breaks my heart is getting pepper sprayed, look now we both crying.”
  
• “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because that asshole is finally someone else’s problem.”
  
• “Breakup with you on Facebook was the easiest way for me to let your friends know I was available.”
  
• “Let’s celebrate your breakup with a night out that produces enough awesome Facebook pictures he’ll have to see them.”
  
• “Thanks for dating someone ugly after we broke up. I win.”
  
• “I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.”
  
• “Couples don’t break up anymore, one person just acts like an asshole till the other person can’t take it anymore.”
  
• “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness clearly never paid for a divorce!”
  
• “Two things: 1) Where have you been all my life? 2) Can you please go back there?”

Additional Funny Breakup Quotes

• “I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you?”
  
• “Is there a cure for a broken heart? Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs.”
  – Miss Piggy
  
• “There is a good way to break up with someone, and it doesn’t involve a post-it!”
  – Carrie Bradshaw, ‘SEX & THE CITY’
  
• “There are always a few before-Valentine’s Day breakups that allow people to cancel reservations.”
  – John Imbergamo
  
• “You’ve never really had your heart broken until you have to block and delete everything after a breakup.”
  
• “Your ex asking you to be friends after break up is like kidnappers asking you to keep in touch after letting you go.”
  
• “We need to take our relationship to the previous level.”
  
• “They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.”
  
• “Oh you’re dating my ex? Cool, I’m eating a sandwich…want those leftovers too?”
  
• “No boyfriend, no problems.”
  
• “When your ex says, “You’ll never find anyone like me again.” Tell him, “That’s the point, you idiot.”
  
• “I need you to cancel my subscription because I’m done with your issues.”
  
• “I’m calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.”
  
• “I see myself like Americans spell colour: without u.”
  
• “There’s something I’ve been wanting to say since the day we met….goodbye.”

Positive Breakup Quotes

• “The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends.”
  – Gwyneth Paltrow
  
• “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”
  – Marilyn Monroe
  
• “Some things break your heart but fix your vision.”
  
• “If someone can walk away from you, let them walk.”
  
• “Pain makes you stronger, fear makes you braver, heartbreak makes you wiser.”
  
• “You don’t walk out of a breakup empty-handed. Every breakup teaches a lesson. Find yours.”
  
• “Our relationship is over, but there were more smiles than tears. So it was worth it.”
  
• “The best revenge against a woman who steals your man from you is to let her keep him.”

Enjoy more laughs with our “Dating me is Like Jokes” and “Valentine’s Day Knock Knock Jokes.“