The Righteous Gemstones Quotes

The Righteous Gemstones Quotes – If you are not familiar with this show, it is a black comedy series. This series features a world-famous televangelist family called The Gemstones. What makes this a black comedy? It’s that none of the family members follow what they preach. Each character delivers their share of memorable moments. That said, these are some of the best quotes from the series:

Top 10 The Righteous Gemstones Quotes

• “You see, a foe can plan your destruction, but only a loved one can break your heart.”
  – Jesse Gemstone, Season 1: And Yet One of You is a Devil
  
• “I ain’t no charity, I’m a commodity.”
  – Baby Billy Freeman, Season 1: They Are Weak, But He Is Strong
  
• “Yes, bitch, I heard you. I’m pretending like I didn’t. ”
  – Baby Billy Freeman, Season 1: And Yet One of You is a Devil
  
• “You made your choice. And you broke my fuckin’ heart.”
  – Scotty, Season 1: And Yet One of You is a Devil
  
• “Doesn’t matter. I love my bi son.”
  – Jesse Gemstone, Season 1: And Yet One of You is a Devil
  
• “’Cause you know what they say: you can’t gobble the pie if you didn’t help bake it.”
  – Judy Gemstone, Season 1: And Yet One of You is a Devil
  
• “I hope the devil fucks you dry.”
  – Jesse Gemstone, Season 1: The Righteous Gemstones
  
• “’Cause when I do me… Good things happen. I’ve got great methods.”
  – Kelvin Gemstone, Season 1: The Righteous Gemstones
  
• “We don’t have standards… I mean we do. We have a lot of them. And they’re real high. ”
  – Judy Gemstone, Season 1: The Righteous Gemstones
  
• “She was the magic. And now she’s gone. And the magic is gone too.”
  – Eli Gemstone, Season 1: The Righteous Gemstones
  

More Memorable Lines from the Series

• “I have regular woman panties where the string goes up my crack. I have tits. I do sex. I’m carvin’ my own path.”
  – Judy Gemstone, Season 1: And Yet One of You is a Devil

• “Better hope that you can hang onto that woman forever. Because when she’s gone, it all goes with her.”
  – Baby Billy Freeman, Season 1: Interlude
  
• “You’re doing the moonwalk on my nerves, man.”
  – Kelvin Gemstone, Season 1: The Righteous Gemstones
  
• “You just go through life being a shithead.”
  – Eli Gemstone, Season 1: Interlude
  
• “You sparkle without him. Know that.”
  – Kelvin Gemstone, Season 1: Wicked Lips
  
• “I’ll sit down with her, bad girl to bad girl.”
  – Judy Gemstone, Season 1: Wicked Lips
  
• “Come on; don’t get your panties in a bunch, sis. Flying around on private planes, being leaders, that’s men’s business.” – Jesse Gemstone, Season 1: The Righteous Gemstones
  
• “Because of one son’s actions, now the other son is a total asshole.”
  – Jesse Gemstone, Season 1: They Are Weak, But He Is Strong
  
• “Get your head out of your asshole, okay?”
  – Jesse Gemstone, Season 1: Is This the Man Who Made the Earth Tremble
  
• “Don’t take glee in it. I’m being blackmailed!”
  – Jesse Gemstone, Season 1: The Righteous Gemstones

Even More Fun The Righteous Gemstones Quotes

• “I’m gonna move to Malibu Beach, shave my pussy, learn to surf.”
  – Judy Gemstone
  
• “You’re one of those benevolent lesbians out to meet a hot guy and make friends with him so you can sample-suck some clean dick”
  – Judy Gemstone
  
• “I just hope God sends down some chicken McDonald’s from the Heavens.”
  – Eil Gemstone
  
• “God bless you, air vent.”
  – Judy Gemstone
  
• “That’s the Gemstone way right there.”
  – Jesse Gemstone
  

Find even more comedy series quotes on our site by checking out our “One day at a Time Quotes” and “Saturday Morning All Star Hits! Quotes”

You can also view the series trailer here: