Jokes for kids

• • Why can’t you tell a joke while standing on ice?
    Because it might crack up!

• • What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
    Every morning you’ll rise and shine!

• • What do elves learn in school?
    The elf-abet.

• • “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
    “You can’t tuna fish.”

• • How does the ocean say hello?
    It waves!

• • How do you cut a wave in half?
    Use a sea saw.

• • What do you call an alligator in a vest?
    An Investigator.

• • Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
    To go with the traffic jam!

• • What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
    Punch!

• • What kind of key opens a banana?
    A monkey!

• • How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
    Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

• • What gets wetter the more it dries?
    A towel.

• • What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
    The temperature!

• • Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
    Because they dropped out of school!

• • Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
    Because they might peel!

More jokes for kids

• • What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
    A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

• • What do you call a pile of kittens?
    A meowntain.

• • What do you get from a pampered cow?
    Spoiled milk.

• • What did 0 say to 8?
    Nice belt!

• • Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
    The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!

• • What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
    Kitty Perry.

• • What do lawyers wear to court?
    Lawsuits!

• • Why did the picture go to jail?
    Because it was framed.

• • What is the most hardworking part of the eye?
    The pupil.

• • What did the pencile say to the other pencil?
    Your looking sharp.

• • What did Bacon say to Tomato?
    Lettuce get together!

• • Why did the sun go to school?
    To get brighter!

• • What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
    Guardians of the Galaxy.

• • How do you make a tissue dance?
    Put a little boogey in it!

• • “How do you shoot a killer bee?”
    “With a bee bee gun.”

• • Who earns a living driving their customers away?
    A taxi driver.

• • Why was the boy sitting on his watch?
    Because he wanted to be on time.

• • Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
    He was a little hoarse.

• • What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
    Swimming trunks.

• • Where do bees go to the bathroom?
    At the BP station!

• • What do you call a fake noodle?
    An Impasta.

• • Why did the can-crusher quit his job?
    Because it was soda pressing.

• • What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
    It barked with de-light!

• • Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
    At forks in the road.

• • What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
    Milk and quackers!

• • Why do bicycles fall over?
    Because they’re two-tired!

• • How do you make holy water?
    Boil the hell out of it!

• • Why couldn’t the kid see the pirate movie?
    It was rated ARR!

• • Why are frogs so happy?
    They eat whatever bugs them.

• • What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
    A stamp.

• • Why did the computer go to the doctor?
    Because it had a virus!

• • What do you call a sleeping bull?
    A bulldozer!

• • Why is England the wettest country?
    Because the queen has reigned there for years!

• • What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
    Man, that hit the “spot.”

• • Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
    Because it was not peeling well.

• • How do Eskimos make their beds?
    With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.

• • What is the tallest building in the world?
    The library! It has the most stories!

• • What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
    A waist of time.

• • Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
    He wanted cold hard cash!

• • What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
    Spring time.

• • Why do fish live in salt water?
    Because pepper makes them sneeze!

• • What bow can’t be tied?
    A rainbow!

• • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
    Frostbite.

• • What is the best day to go to the beach?
    Sunday, of course!

• • What has one head, one foot and four legs?
    A Bed.

• • What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
    Ouch.

• • Where did the computer go to dance?
    To a disc-o.

• • What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
    A Clausterphobic.

• • What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
    The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew”.

• • Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
    To get a tweetment.

• • Did you hear the joke about the roof?
    Never mind, it’s over your head!

• • Why are pirates called pirates?
    Cause they arrrrr.

• • Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
    Because his friend said dinner is on me.

• • How do crazy people go through the forest?
    They take the psycho path.

• • What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs?
    A penny.

• • Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
    Because he had no-body to go with.

• • Where do snowmen keep their money?
    In snow banks.

• • Why did Tony go out with a prune?
    Because he couldn’t find a date!

• • What do prisoners use to call each other?
    Cell phones.

• • Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
    The scientists were brainstorming!

• • What washes up on very small beaches?
    Microwaves!

• • What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?
    The road!

• • What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?
    Show me the honey!

• • What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
    SUPPLIES!

• • What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
    Hi Cliff!

• • Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
    Because he was sitting on the deck!

• • What do you call a funny mountain?
    Hill-arious.

• • What did the candle say to the other candle?
    I’m going out tonight.

• • What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
    I think I’m coming down with something!

• • What has four wheels and flies?
    A garbage truck!

• • Why did the traffic light turn red?
    You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

• • Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
    Because then it would be a foot!

• • What do you say when you lose a wii game?
    I want a wii-match!

• • What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?
    The Telephone.

• • What did the blanket say to the bed?
    Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!

• • What did the triangle say to the circle?
    Your pointless!

• • What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
    Post Office!

• • What kind of button won’t unbutton?
    A bellybutton!

• • Why should you take a pencil to bed?
    To draw the curtains!

• • How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
    One! After that it’s not empty!

• • What dog keeps the best time?
    A watch dog.

• • What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
    It let out a little wine!

• • Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
    Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

• • Why do girls scouts sell cookies?
    They wanna make a sweet first impression.

• • What did the man say to the wall?
    One more crack like that and I’ll plaster ya!

• • Why did the tomato turn red?
    It saw the salad dressing!

• • What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
    Dam!

• • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
    Tentacles.

• • What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
    Odor in the court.

• • Why was the student’s report card wet?
    It was below C level!

• • Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
    They don’t have the guts.

• • Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
    Because he was a paleontologist.

• • How do you find a Princess?
    You follow the foot Prince.

• • Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
    So he could have sweet dreams.

• • What did the traffic light say to the car?
    Don’t look, I’m changing.

• • Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
    To get to the second hand shop.

• • What streets do ghosts haunt?
    Dead ends!

• • What did the penny say to the other penny?
    We make perfect cents.

Many more jokes for kids

• • What music are balloons scared of?
    Pop music.

• • What goes up when the rain comes down?
    An umbrella.

• • Why did the robber take a bath?
    Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

• • What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
    Cool Music.

• • What did the judge say to the dentist?
    Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

• • Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
    He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!

• • What did the stamp say to the envelope?
    Stick with me and we will go places!

• • Which month do soldiers hate most?
    The month of March!

• • Why did the belt go to jail?
    Because it held up a pair of pants!

• • Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
    “Smiles”, because there is a mile between each “s”!

• • What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
    Flood lights!

• • Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?
    Because they’re all in High School!

• • Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
    In case they get a hole in one!

• • When do you stop at green and go at red?
    When you’re eating a watermelon!

• • Why did the computer break up with the internet?
    There was no “Connection”.

• • What do you call a book that’s about the brain?
    A mind reader.

• • Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
    Because he wanted to work over-time!

• • Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
    Because he wanted to see time fly!

• • Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory?
    He couldn’t concentrate!

• • Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
    He felt crummy!

• • Why did God make only one Yogi Bear?
    Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.

• • How did the farmer mend his pants?
    With cabbage patches!

• • What did the hamburger name his daughter?
    Patty!

• • How do you repair a broken tomato?
    Tomato Paste!

• • Why did the baby strawberry cry?
    Because his parents were in a jam!

• • Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
    They both depend on the batter.

• • What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
    A deviled egg!

• • What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
    A turkey!

• • What can you serve but never eat?
    A volleyball.

• • Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
    She couldn’t control her pupils!

• • What do you call a bear with no socks on?
    Bare-foot.

• • What runs but doesn’t get anywhere?
    A refrigerator.

• • What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
    Sneakers.

• • Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
    So he could tie the score.

• • Have you heard the joke about the butter?
    I better not tell you, it might spread.

• • What did the alien say to the garden?
    Take me to your weeder.

• • Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
    Because they cantaloupe.

• • How do you communicate with a fish?
    Drop them a line!

• • How do baseball players stay cool?
    They sit next to their fans.

• • Why was the math book sad?
    Because it had too many problems.

• • What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
    A cloud!

• • What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer?
    The Space bar!

• • What exam do young witches have to pass?
    A spell-ing test!

• • What do you give a dog with a fever?
    Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!

• • Why did the boy eat his homework?
    Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

• • Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
    Because you dribble on the floor!

• • What do cats eat for breakfast?
    Mice Crispies!

• • Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
    To the Baa Baa shop!

• • What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter?
    Jellyfish!

• • Why does a hummingbird hum?
    It doesn’t know the words!

• • Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party?
    A party pooper.

• • Why can’t a leopard hide?
    Because he’s always spotted!

• • What did the M&M go to college?
    Because he wanted to be a Smarty.

• • What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
    A sour puss!

• • Why do birds fly south for the winter?
    Its easier than walking!

• • What has one horn and gives milk
    A milk truck.

• • What kind of key opens a banana?
    A monkey!

• • How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
    Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

• • What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
    The temperature!

• • Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
    Because they dropped out of school!

• • What do you call a pile of kittens?
    A meowntain.

• • What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
    A water bed!

• • What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?
    It wooden go!

• • Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
    Neither, they both weigh a ton!

• • What do bulls do when they go shopping?
    They CHARGE!

• • Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls?
    It was a Barbie-Q.

• • Where do bulls get their messages?
    On a bull-etin board.

• • What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
    A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

• • What runs but can’t walk?
    The faucet!

• • Whens the best time to go to the dentist?
    Tooth-hurty.

• • What’s taken before you get it?
    Your picture.

• • What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
    Firecrackers!

• • Why did the barber win the race?
    Because he took a short cut.

• • What did the tie say to the hat?
    You go on ahead and I’ll hang around!

• • What concert costs 45 cents?
    50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

• • Why did the tree go to the dentist?
    To get a root canal.

• • What word looks the same backwards and upside down?
    SWIMS!

The last 20 jokes for kids

• • Why was the broom late?
    It over swept!

• • What’s the difference between Ms. and Mrs.?
    Mr.

• • What do you get when you plant kisses?
    Tu-lips (two-lips).

• • Where does a tree store their stuff?
    In there Trunk!

• • What did the nose say to the finger?
    Stop picking on me.

• • Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?
    A Mer-Maid

• • Where does bad light go?
    PRISM!

• • What did one plate say to the other?
    Dinners on me.

• • Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
    She had a make-up exam!

• • Where do pencils go on vacation?
    Pennsylvania.

• • What is heavy forward but not backward?
    Ton.

• • Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
    She had a make-up exam!

• • What pet makes the loudest noise?
    A trum-pet!

• • What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
    Bugs Bunny!

• • Why can you never trust atoms?
    They make up everything!

• • Name a city where no one goes?
    Electricity.

• • What did one eyeball say to the other eyeball?
    Between you and me something smells.

• • What stays on the ground but never gets dirty?
    Shadow.

• • I can run but not walk, have a mouth but can’t talk, and a bed, but I do not sleep. What am I?
    A River.

• • What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
    A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!