Pirate jokes

• • Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
    Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

• • It always struck me as odd that the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD had a piracy warning.

• • What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands and two legs?
    A beginner.

• • What do you call a pirate that skips class?
    Captain Hooky!

• • How did Captain Hook died?
    Multiple stabbings. He got a bad case of an itchy rash.

• • Why is pirating so addictive?
    They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

• • How do pirates know that they are pirates?
    They think so, therefore they arrr.

• • Why did the pirate go to college?
    To become an arrrrchitect!

• • How do pirates communicate with each other?
    With an Aye phone.

• • What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
    He got marooned.

• • What is regularly given to the sea around 8 am, if the digestion is right?
    The captain’s log.

• • What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
    A bird that will talk your head off.

• • How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
    He bought it on sail.

• • Why don’t the Chinese make very good pirates?
    Because they’re not very strong in the ‘Arrrr!’ department.

• • What’s the difference between a pirate and a strawberry farmer?
    The pirate buries his treasure, the farmer treasures his berries.

• • What has 6 legs, 6 arms and 6 eyes?
    6 pirates.

• • Who was the first pirate?
    Noah, the builder of the Arrrrk.

• • What does the pirate say when he steps on a Lego?
    Arrrrrrgh!!!

• • What did the ocean say to the pirate?
    Nothing, it just waved.

Read more funny pirate jokes

• • How did Capitan Hook die?
    He got distracted and wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

• • In case his ship is sunk, every pirate carries a bar of soap with him at all times.
    You know, to wash him ashore.

• • What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
    One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.

• • Why did the pirate cross the road?
    To reach the second hand shop.

• • Dan: I know a pirate with a wooden leg called Joe.
    Frank: Really? I wonder what he called his hook.

• • What does a Dyslexic Pirate Say?
    RRRRRRA!

• • How does a pirate declutter his ship?
    By having a yarrrrd sale.

• • Why are pirates bad at cards?
    It’s kind of hard to play when you’re sitting on the deck.

• • What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot.

• • What is pirates’ favorite choice of music?
    aRR n’ B.

• • What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates?
    The Steady Relationship.

• • Why don’t you usually see a pirate that is a smoker?
    Because they use the patch.

• • How does a pirate get to the top of the building?
    By elevataaaarrrrr!

• • What Did The Pirate Say When His Wooden Leg Got Stuck In The Freezer?
    Shiver me timbers!

The last pirate jokes and pick up lines

• • Why do pirates make great lawyers?
    Because they have very good arrrrguments.

• • What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
    P. because it would be an R, but it’s missing a leg.

• • Why don’t pirate marriages last much?
    Because of all the arrrrguments.

• • Wooden pegs and hooks are really expensive these days.
    They cost an arm and a leg.

• • Why is it so hard for pirates to learn to read?
    Because they spend months and months at C.

• • How can you tell a pirate has fallen for modern technology?
    It’s the iPatch that gives it away.

• • How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
    Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.

• • What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire?
    He got burnt to the ground.

• • Pirate pick up lines:• Care to do some booty plundering with me?

    • I’m just a love pirate lookin’ for some booty.

    • Is that a wooden leg or are you that happy to see me?

    • You must be a pirate, because you can swash my buckle any day.

    • Surrender your booty!

    • Do you mind if I drop anchor in your lagoon?