Cow jokes
Here is a great collection with the best cow jokes you will find out there. For me personally jokes about cows are a bit like dad jokes. Some can be fun, silly and crazy and they use words in a fun way. Most of them are easy to remember because they only consists of two sentences. There is of course those that a more intricate and therefor requires a better memory to remember.
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- A man goes to visit relatives who live on a farm. When he gets there, there is a cow standing outside which only has 3 legs.
The guy asks how it came to have only 3 legs.
The farmer says, “Oh, that’s Daisy. One day, she saved my live by running into a barn fire and dragging me out. Another time she saved our son’s life by leading us to the well he’d fallen into. She’s the most miraculous cow I’ve ever seen.”
The guy is impressed but asks, “But how did she lose her leg?”
The farmer says, “You don’t eat a cow like that all at once.”
- A man goes to visit relatives who live on a farm. When he gets there, there is a cow standing outside which only has 3 legs.
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- A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.
“Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!” the farmer answered.
- A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.
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- Two cows are standing in a field.
The first cow looks at the other and says “What do you think about all this talk of mad cow disease?”
The second cow replies, “Why should I care, I’m a helicopter.”
- Two cows are standing in a field.
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- A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
“Well, it was like this” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it’s rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”
“What did you do?”, asked the doctor.
“Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, “Hey! This looks like yours!”
- A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck.
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- There are two cows standing in a field.
The first cow says to the other, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
The second cow replies, “No way, I don’t believe you.”
The first says, “It’s true, no bull.”
- There are two cows standing in a field.
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- A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers.
He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer. Is that bull safe?
Well, he’s a lot safer than you are right now!
- A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers.
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- A blonde woman was taking a walk in the countryside one day. She was in a field when she noticed something that intrigued her.
“Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” she asked the local farmer who just happened to appear at that time.
“Well,” said the farmer, “Cows can do damage with their horns so we usually keep them trimmed down with a hacksaw. You can also treat young calves so their horns never grow. And some breeds don’t have any horns at all.”
He then continued, “But this cow doesn’t have any horns because it’s a horse…”
- A blonde woman was taking a walk in the countryside one day. She was in a field when she noticed something that intrigued her.
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- Two guys are riding on a train through Texas.
As the train passes by a ranch the first guy turns to the second and tells him there are 1,356 cows on the ranch.
The second guy says, “That’s amazing! I happen to own that ranch and I know for a fact that I have 1,356 head of cattle. How did you ever figure out the number of cows from a speeding train?”
“Oh it’s simple” the first guy replies. “I counted the legs and divided by four.”
- Two guys are riding on a train through Texas.
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- A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.
“What a cute bunch of cows!” she remarked.
“Not a bunch, herd”, her friend replied.
“Heard of what?”
“Herd of cows.”
“Of course I’ve heard of cows.”
“No, a cow herd.”
“What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!”
- A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.
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- Two farmers are talking one day. The first tells the other that he’s had to shoot one of his cows.
The second farmer asks, “Was it mad?”
The first one replies, “Well it wasn’t very happy about it.
- Two farmers are talking one day. The first tells the other that he’s had to shoot one of his cows.
Want more cow jokes? then read on
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- What do you call it when a mad cow gets loose?
Udder destruction!
- What do you call it when a mad cow gets loose?
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- What did mama cow say to baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime.
- What did mama cow say to baby cow?
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- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
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- My cow refuses to give milk, and you know why, of course.
She’s been grazing in the field too long.
And now she thinks she’s a horse.
- My cow refuses to give milk, and you know why, of course.
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- Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
- Why don’t cows have any money?
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- My wife left me for an Indian guy.
I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
- My wife left me for an Indian guy.
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- What do you call a cow you can’t see?
Camooflauged.
- What do you call a cow you can’t see?
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- What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and an upset cow?
An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.
- What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and an upset cow?
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- Where do cows go on holiday?
Moo Zealand.
- Where do cows go on holiday?
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- What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!
- What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
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- Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
The farmer had cold hands.
- Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
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- Two cows were out in a field eating grass.
One cow turns to the other cow and says, “Moooooo!”
“Hey”, the other cow replies. “I was just about to say the same thing!”
- Two cows were out in a field eating grass.
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- What do cows eat for breakfast?
Moosli.
- What do cows eat for breakfast?
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- How easy is it to milk a cow?
It’s a piece of steak.
- How easy is it to milk a cow?
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- Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
- Why did the cow cross the road?
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- What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
“Deja moo!”
- What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
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- What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
- What does a cow put on his French toast?
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- How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
- How do you make a milkshake?
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- What did the cow say to the wolf?
I’ve got no beef with you.
- What did the cow say to the wolf?
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- Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
Because the cow has the utter.
- Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
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- What do cows do while skiing?
Moo-Guls!
- What do cows do while skiing?
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- Why are cows so good at math?
They love to cownt.
- Why are cows so good at math?
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- What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
- What do you call an evil cow?
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- What is a cow’s favorite lunchmeat?
Bullogna.
- What is a cow’s favorite lunchmeat?
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- What do you call a fight between two herds of cows?
A cattle battle.
- What do you call a fight between two herds of cows?
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- What do you call a cow that can cut the grass?
Mulan.
- What do you call a cow that can cut the grass?
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- What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
- What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
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- Where do Russians get milk?
From Mos-cows.
- Where do Russians get milk?
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- Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
- Why was the cow so scared?
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- What did the cow say to the cow tipping rednecks?
Don’t moooove a muscle.
- What did the cow say to the cow tipping rednecks?
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- What do you call animal drinking with Justin Timberlake?
TEA COW!
- What do you call animal drinking with Justin Timberlake?
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- Where do cows go for lunch?
The calf-eteria.
- Where do cows go for lunch?
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- How does a cow get to the mooooon?
It flies through udder space!
- How does a cow get to the mooooon?
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- What do you call a cow with an assistant?
Moooooving up in the world.
- What do you call a cow with an assistant?
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- Which job is a cow most suited for?
Baker. Because they’re making cow pies regularly.
- Which job is a cow most suited for?
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- “Where did the cows go last night”?
“To the mooon”.
- “Where did the cows go last night”?
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- What happens when you talk to a cow?
It goes in one ear and out the udder!
- What happens when you talk to a cow?
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- Why can’t a cow become a detective?
They refuse to go on Steakouts!
- Why can’t a cow become a detective?
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- What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow?
Peanut butter.
- What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow?
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- Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.
- Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
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- What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
- What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
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- What is a cow’s favorite colour?
Maroooooooon.
- What is a cow’s favorite colour?
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- What do u call a really strong cow?
Beefy.
- What do u call a really strong cow?
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- What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
- What do you call a sleeping bull?
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- What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
Milk and Quackers!
- What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
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- Why did the cow cross the road?
Cause it didn’t want Lady Gaga to make a meat dress out of him.
- Why did the cow cross the road?
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- What do you get when you walk under a cow?
A pat on the head.
- What do you get when you walk under a cow?
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- How does lady gaga like her steak?
Raw raw raw raw raw.
- How does lady gaga like her steak?
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- What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence?
Udder-Catastrophe.
- What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence?
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- What are a cows favorite subjects in school?
Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus.
- What are a cows favorite subjects in school?
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- Where did the bull lose all his money?
At the Cowsino.
- Where did the bull lose all his money?
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- What do you call a sad cow?
Mooooved to tears.
- What do you call a sad cow?
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- Where do you find the most cows?
Moo-York.
- Where do you find the most cows?
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- What do cows get when they are sick?
Hay Fever.
- What do cows get when they are sick?
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- What did the cow say to the lousy renter?
Moooooooooo yourself out of here.
- What did the cow say to the lousy renter?
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- Did you hear that Chuck Norris is a matador?
He takes the bull by the horns.
- Did you hear that Chuck Norris is a matador?
Many more funny cow jokes
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- What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
Milk of Amnesia.
- What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
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- Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.
- Why do cows wear bells?
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- How can you tell which cow is the best dancer?
Wait until one busts a moooooove.
- How can you tell which cow is the best dancer?
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- Did you hear about the blonde that died with a bow and arrow in her hand?
She hit the bull’s eye.
- Did you hear about the blonde that died with a bow and arrow in her hand?
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- What Is A Cows Favorite Type Of Math?
Moo-tiplication.
- What Is A Cows Favorite Type Of Math?
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- What are the spots on black and white cows?
Holstains.
- What are the spots on black and white cows?
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- What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
“It’s just an udder day”.
- What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
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- What were the cows doing under the tree?
Talking about the latest moos.
- What were the cows doing under the tree?
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- Where do cows go when they want a night out?
To the moo-vies!
- Where do cows go when they want a night out?
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- What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef Jerky.
- What do you call a cow with a twitch?
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- How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
With a Cowculator.
- How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
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- What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
Bull-dozin.
- What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
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- What do you call a cow that’s afraid of the dark?
A coward.
- What do you call a cow that’s afraid of the dark?
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- What’s a cow’s favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat.
- What’s a cow’s favorite moosical note?
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- Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
- Where do Russians get their milk?
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- Did you hear about the snobby cow?
She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!
- Did you hear about the snobby cow?
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- Why are cows so soft?
Because they are made out of leather.
- Why are cows so soft?
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- What did the cow say to the turtle?
Get a moove on.
- What did the cow say to the turtle?
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- What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
A milk dud!
- What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
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- Where do cows get their weapons?
Ar-moooo-ries.
- Where do cows get their weapons?
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- What do cows wear in Hawaii?
Moo- moos.
- What do cows wear in Hawaii?
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- How does one cow talk to another?
Cow-munication.
- How does one cow talk to another?
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- What did the cow say when a person played the piano?
That’s good moooooosic.
- What did the cow say when a person played the piano?
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- Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?
They called it the Herd Shot ‘Round The World!
- Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?
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- What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?
A steak-out!
- What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?
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- Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
- Where do cows get together?
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- What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
An udder failure.
- What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
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- What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
Ground Beef.
- What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
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- What do you call a cow with no front legs?
Lean Beef.
- What do you call a cow with no front legs?
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- What do you call a cow with full armor?
Sir loin.
- What do you call a cow with full armor?
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- Where do cows like to ride on trains?
In the cow-boose.
- Where do cows like to ride on trains?
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- What do you call a grumpy cow?
Moo-dy.
- What do you call a grumpy cow?
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- What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
Ground beef.
- What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
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- What band is a cow favorite?
Moody Blues.
- What band is a cow favorite?
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- What do cows get when they do all their chores?
Mooooney.
- What do cows get when they do all their chores?
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- Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns.
- Why is the barn so noisy?
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- What did the secret agent cow say to the other cow?
Are you udder cover?
- What did the secret agent cow say to the other cow?
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- What goes oo ooo oooo?
A cow with no lips.
- What goes oo ooo oooo?
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- When is a farmer like a magician?
When he turns his cow into pasture.
- When is a farmer like a magician?
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- What did one dairy cow say to another?
Got milk?
- What did one dairy cow say to another?
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- How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
It’s a place of udder delight.
- How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
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- What game do little cows like to play?
Moonopoly.
- What game do little cows like to play?
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- Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
He’s got no beef.
- Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
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- What do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese!
- What do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow?
The last 25 cow jokes
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- Why does the cow bring toilet paper to the party?
Because he is a party pooper.
- Why does the cow bring toilet paper to the party?
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- Why do cows like being told jokes?
Because they like being amoosed!
- Why do cows like being told jokes?
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- How do you stop a bull from charging?
Take away his credit card!
- How do you stop a bull from charging?
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- What animals do you bring to bed?
Your calves.
- What animals do you bring to bed?
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- What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody’s herd.
- What happened to the lost cattle?
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- Is there big money in the cattle business?
So I’ve herd!
- Is there big money in the cattle business?
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- What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
- What newspaper do cows read?
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- What does an invisible man drink?
Evaporated milk!
- What does an invisible man drink?
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- What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards!
- What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
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- What US state has the most cows?
Moosouri!
- What US state has the most cows?
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- What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
- What is the difference between a car and a bull?
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- What do you find a gallery of cows?
The mooseum.
- What do you find a gallery of cows?
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- What happens when a cow laughs too hard?
It Cowlapses!
- What happens when a cow laughs too hard?
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- What does a cow make when the sun comes out?
A shadow.
- What does a cow make when the sun comes out?
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- Where does a cow stay when it is on vacation?
A moo-tel!
- Where does a cow stay when it is on vacation?
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- What do you get when you give pasta to a cow?
Beefaroni.
- What do you get when you give pasta to a cow?
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- A husband and wife cows are mad at each other so the husband says to his wife.
“You udder hear me out”.
- A husband and wife cows are mad at each other so the husband says to his wife.
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- Why doesn’t Sweden export it’s cattle?
It wants to keep it’s Stockholm!
- Why doesn’t Sweden export it’s cattle?
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- Why do cows have long faces?
Because you would have a long face too, if your tits were getting pulled twice a day.
- Why do cows have long faces?
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- Did you know that cows love Marvin Gaye?
Yeah, I herd it through the bovine.
- Did you know that cows love Marvin Gaye?
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- What did Ally the cow say to Martha the cow when her boyfriend the Bull cheated on her?
How Dairy!
- What did Ally the cow say to Martha the cow when her boyfriend the Bull cheated on her?
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- Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream!
- Why do cows think cooks are mean?
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- If you didn’t like that cow joke don’t worry, I’ve got udders.
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- Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay!
- Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer?
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- What happens when a cow is exhausted?
It cowlapses.
- What happens when a cow is exhausted?
Here is a guy who does 10 cow jokes under a minute.
https://youtu.be/mPmtYcfMoVM
This videoe was uploaded by “Dyllon Arkell”
Well. You have reached the end of the road, if you liked them as many others, remember to share with your friends and family. If you know any cow jokes you think deserves to be on this list, then leave a comment or use the contact form I have on the Contact page.
Like with any other genre of jokes I have on this site, I will add more jokes so you all have more to laugh about. Have a great day.