Jokes
Fathers day jokes
Read funny fathers day jokes right here. Yes some of them may be embarrassing or even cringe worthy. Your father may still find them funny, or he probably will, because fathers are like that. Remember that he is trying to do his best in guiding you on the right path through. Enjoy you all.
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- Dan: What does your father do for a living?
Mike: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Dan: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Mike: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
- Dan: What does your father do for a living?
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- A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
- A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
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- While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, “Daddy, you’re the boss in our family, right?” The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, “Yes my little princess.” The girl then continued, “That’s because mommy put you in charge, right?”
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- Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award?
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- Mom: Why are you home so early?
Dad: My boss told me to go to hell.
- Mom: Why are you home so early?
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- Why can’t you have a nose 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
- Why can’t you have a nose 12 inches long?
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- Man: How old is your father?
Child: As old as me.
Man: How it is possible?
Child: He became a father only when I was born.
- Man: How old is your father?
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- A small boy came up to his dad and meekly said “Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water please?” The dad replied “But I’ve given you 10 glasses of water already son!” The little boy then said, “Oh yes daddy, but the bedroom is still on fire!”
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- Father: Let me see your report card.
Son: I don’t have it.
Father: What do you mean you don’t have it?
Son: My friend borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
- Father: Let me see your report card.
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- “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.
“Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied.
After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
- “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.
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- What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
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- ‘Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot.
‘Knock, knock’
‘Who’s there?’
‘The chicken’
- ‘Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot.
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- A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
- A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
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- What do you call two people who do not hesitate to embarrass you in front of your friends?
Mum and Dad!
- What do you call two people who do not hesitate to embarrass you in front of your friends?
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- I asked my son if he had seen my newspaper.
He told me that newspapers are old school.
He said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me his iPad.
That fly didn’t stand a chance.
- I asked my son if he had seen my newspaper.
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- Dad: “Hey babe, you smell that?”
Mom: “No.”
Dad: “Me neither, start cooking.”
- Dad: “Hey babe, you smell that?”
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- Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Student: When my father sees my report card!
- Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
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- You ask your Dad what is on the TV, what is his answer?
Dust.
- You ask your Dad what is on the TV, what is his answer?
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- How do you scare a divorced dad?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice!
- How do you scare a divorced dad?
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- Does a dad ALWAYS snore?
No, only when he is asleep.
- Does a dad ALWAYS snore?
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- How do fathers exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
- How do fathers exercise on the beach?
The last 15 fathers day jokes
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- What did baby corn say to mama corn?
Where’s popcorn?
- What did baby corn say to mama corn?
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- What does a dad say when asked to put the kettle on?
Sorry, I don’t think it will fit.
- What does a dad say when asked to put the kettle on?
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- What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?
a POPsicle!
- What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?
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- Why don’t some fathers have a mid-life crisis?
They’re stuck in adolescence.
- Why don’t some fathers have a mid-life crisis?
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- What does a dad say when you ask to leave the table?
Where do you want to leave it?
- What does a dad say when you ask to leave the table?
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- How do you know your dad is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
- How do you know your dad is planning for the future?
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- What did daddy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
- What did daddy spider say to baby spider?
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- What did Dad do after offering a hand with your homework?
Started clapping.
- What did Dad do after offering a hand with your homework?
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- Why are Fathers like parking spaces?
The good ones are already taken!
- Why are Fathers like parking spaces?
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- Why did the baby strawberry cry?
Because his dad was in a jam!
- Why did the baby strawberry cry?
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- When asked to put the cat out at night, what was Dad’s response?
“I did not know it was on fire!”
- When asked to put the cat out at night, what was Dad’s response?
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- What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato?
Catch up!
- What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato?
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- What do you call the father you walk all over?
Stepdad.
- What do you call the father you walk all over?
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- The waiter asks your dad how he would you like his steak, what is his response?
On a plate, please.
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- Why did the cookie cry?
Because his father was a wafer so long!
- Why did the cookie cry?
This videoe was uploaded by “Laina”
So, how many times did you cringe? And how many of these did you know in advance? No matter what, these are some of the jokes that will always exist as long as dads exist and they will always be aroud.
And to all fathers out there “Happy fathers day.”