Jokes

Jokes for kids

Jokes-for-kidsWelcome to the funny jokes for kids. This category is specifically made for children and their parents. Should it happen that you find a joke that is not suitable for children, please write to me, I will remove it as soon as possible. Also if you know any good or funny jokes for kids, then submit them so other children can enjoy them.

    • Why can’t you tell a joke while standing on ice?
      Because it might crack up!
    • What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
      Every morning you’ll rise and shine!
    • What do elves learn in school?
      The elf-abet.
    • “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
      “You can’t tuna fish.”
    • How does the ocean say hello?
      It waves!
    • How do you cut a wave in half?
      Use a sea saw.
    • What do you call an alligator in a vest?
      An Investigator.
    • Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
      To go with the traffic jam!
    • What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
      Punch!
    • What kind of key opens a banana?
      A monkey!
    • How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
      Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
    • What gets wetter the more it dries?
      A towel.
    • What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
      The temperature!
    • Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
      Because they dropped out of school!
    • Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
      Because they might peel!

More jokes for kids

    • What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
      A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
    • What do you call a pile of kittens?
      A meowntain.
    • What do you get from a pampered cow?
      Spoiled milk.
    • What did 0 say to 8?
      Nice belt!
    • Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
      The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
    • What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
      Kitty Perry.
    • What do lawyers wear to court?
      Lawsuits!
    • Why did the picture go to jail?
      Because it was framed.
    • What is the most hardworking part of the eye?
      The pupil.
    • What did the pencile say to the other pencil?
      Your looking sharp.
    • What did Bacon say to Tomato?
      Lettuce get together!
    • Why did the sun go to school?
      To get brighter!
    • What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
      Guardians of the Galaxy.
    • How do you make a tissue dance?
      Put a little boogey in it!
    • “How do you shoot a killer bee?”
      “With a bee bee gun.”
    • Who earns a living driving their customers away?
      A taxi driver.
    • Why was the boy sitting on his watch?
      Because he wanted to be on time.
    • Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
      He was a little hoarse.
    • What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
      Swimming trunks.
    • Where do bees go to the bathroom?
      At the BP station!
    • What do you call a fake noodle?
      An Impasta.
    • Why did the can-crusher quit his job?
      Because it was soda pressing.
    • What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
      It barked with de-light!
    • Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
      At forks in the road.
    • What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
      Milk and quackers!
    • Why do bicycles fall over?
      Because they’re two-tired!
    • How do you make holy water?
      Boil the hell out of it!
    • Why couldn’t the kid see the pirate movie?
      It was rated ARR!
    • Why are frogs so happy?
      They eat whatever bugs them.
    • What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
      A stamp.
    • Why did the computer go to the doctor?
      Because it had a virus!
    • What do you call a sleeping bull?
      A bulldozer!
    • Why is England the wettest country?
      Because the queen has reigned there for years!
    • What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
      Man, that hit the “spot.”
    • Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
      Because it was not peeling well.
    • How do Eskimos make their beds?
      With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
    • What is the tallest building in the world?
      The library! It has the most stories!
    • What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
      A waist of time.
    • Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
      He wanted cold hard cash!
    • What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
      Spring time.
    • Why do fish live in salt water?
      Because pepper makes them sneeze!
    • What bow can’t be tied?
      A rainbow!
    • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
      Frostbite.
    • What is the best day to go to the beach?
      Sunday, of course!
    • What has one head, one foot and four legs?
      A Bed.
    • What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
      Ouch.
    • Where did the computer go to dance?
      To a disc-o.
    • What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
      A Clausterphobic.
    • What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
      The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew”.
    • Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
      To get a tweetment.
    • Did you hear the joke about the roof?
      Never mind, it’s over your head!
    • Why are pirates called pirates?
      Cause they arrrrr.
    • Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
      Because his friend said dinner is on me.
    • How do crazy people go through the forest?
      They take the psycho path.
    • What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs?
      A penny.
    • Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
      Because he had no-body to go with.
    • Where do snowmen keep their money?
      In snow banks.
    • Why did Tony go out with a prune?
      Because he couldn’t find a date!
    • What do prisoners use to call each other?
      Cell phones.
    • Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
      The scientists were brainstorming!
    • What washes up on very small beaches?
      Microwaves!
    • What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?
      The road!
    • What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?
      Show me the honey!
    • What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
      SUPPLIES!
    • What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
      Hi Cliff!
    • Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
      Because he was sitting on the deck!
    • What do you call a funny mountain?
      Hill-arious.
    • What did the candle say to the other candle?
      I’m going out tonight.
    • What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
      I think I’m coming down with something!
    • What has four wheels and flies?
      A garbage truck!
    • Why did the traffic light turn red?
      You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
    • Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
      Because then it would be a foot!
    • What do you say when you lose a wii game?
      I want a wii-match!
    • What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?
      The Telephone.
    • What did the blanket say to the bed?
      Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!
    • What did the triangle say to the circle?
      Your pointless!
    • What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
      Post Office!
    • What kind of button won’t unbutton?
      A bellybutton!
    • Why should you take a pencil to bed?
      To draw the curtains!
    • How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
      One! After that it’s not empty!
    • What dog keeps the best time?
      A watch dog.
    • What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
      It let out a little wine!
    • Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
      Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
    • Why do girls scouts sell cookies?
      They wanna make a sweet first impression.
    • What did the man say to the wall?
      One more crack like that and I’ll plaster ya!
    • Why did the tomato turn red?
      It saw the salad dressing!
    • What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
      Dam!
    • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
      Tentacles.
    • What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
      Odor in the court.
    • Why was the student’s report card wet?
      It was below C level!
    • Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
      They don’t have the guts.
    • Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
      Because he was a paleontologist.
    • How do you find a Princess?
      You follow the foot Prince.
    • Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
      So he could have sweet dreams.
    • What did the traffic light say to the car?
      Don’t look, I’m changing.
    • Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
      To get to the second hand shop.
    • What streets do ghosts haunt?
      Dead ends!
    • What did the penny say to the other penny?
      We make perfect cents.

Many more jokes for kids

    • What music are balloons scared of?
      Pop music.
    • What goes up when the rain comes down?
      An umbrella.
    • Why did the robber take a bath?
      Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
    • What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
      Cool Music.
    • What did the judge say to the dentist?
      Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
    • Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
      He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
    • What did the stamp say to the envelope?
      Stick with me and we will go places!
    • Which month do soldiers hate most?
      The month of March!
    • Why did the belt go to jail?
      Because it held up a pair of pants!
    • Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
      “Smiles”, because there is a mile between each “s”!
    • What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
      Flood lights!
    • Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?
      Because they’re all in High School!
    • Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
      In case they get a hole in one!
    • When do you stop at green and go at red?
      When you’re eating a watermelon!
    • Why did the computer break up with the internet?
      There was no “Connection”.
    • What do you call a book that’s about the brain?
      A mind reader.
    • Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
      Because he wanted to work over-time!
    • Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
      Because he wanted to see time fly!
    • Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory?
      He couldn’t concentrate!
    • Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
      He felt crummy!
    • Why did God make only one Yogi Bear?
      Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
    • How did the farmer mend his pants?
      With cabbage patches!
    • What did the hamburger name his daughter?
      Patty!
    • How do you repair a broken tomato?
      Tomato Paste!
    • Why did the baby strawberry cry?
      Because his parents were in a jam!
    • Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
      They both depend on the batter.
    • What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
      A deviled egg!
    • What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
      A turkey!
    • What can you serve but never eat?
      A volleyball.
    • Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
      She couldn’t control her pupils!
    • What do you call a bear with no socks on?
      Bare-foot.
    • What runs but doesn’t get anywhere?
      A refrigerator.
    • What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
      Sneakers.
    • Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
      So he could tie the score.
    • Have you heard the joke about the butter?
      I better not tell you, it might spread.
    • What did the alien say to the garden?
      Take me to your weeder.
    • Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
      Because they cantaloupe.
    • How do you communicate with a fish?
      Drop them a line!
    • How do baseball players stay cool?
      They sit next to their fans.
    • Why was the math book sad?
      Because it had too many problems.
    • What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
      A cloud!
    • What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer?
      The Space bar!
    • What exam do young witches have to pass?
      A spell-ing test!
    • What do you give a dog with a fever?
      Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
    • Why did the boy eat his homework?
      Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
    • Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
      Because you dribble on the floor!
    • What do cats eat for breakfast?
      Mice Crispies!
    • Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
      To the Baa Baa shop!
    • What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter?
      Jellyfish!
    • Why does a hummingbird hum?
      It doesn’t know the words!
    • Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party?
      A party pooper.
    • Why can’t a leopard hide?
      Because he’s always spotted!
    • What did the M&M go to college?
      Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
    • What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
      A sour puss!
    • Why do birds fly south for the winter?
      Its easier than walking!
    • What has one horn and gives milk
      A milk truck.
    • What kind of key opens a banana?
      A monkey!
    • How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
      Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
    • What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
      The temperature!
    • Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
      Because they dropped out of school!
    • What do you call a pile of kittens?
      A meowntain.
    • What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
      A water bed!
    • What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?
      It wooden go!
    • Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
      Neither, they both weigh a ton!
    • What do bulls do when they go shopping?
      They CHARGE!
    • Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls?
      It was a Barbie-Q.
    • Where do bulls get their messages?
      On a bull-etin board.
    • What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
      A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
    • What runs but can’t walk?
      The faucet!
    • Whens the best time to go to the dentist?
      Tooth-hurty.
    • What’s taken before you get it?
      Your picture.
    • What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
      Firecrackers!
    • Why did the barber win the race?
      Because he took a short cut.
    • What did the tie say to the hat?
      You go on ahead and I’ll hang around!
    • What concert costs 45 cents?
      50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
    • Why did the tree go to the dentist?
      To get a root canal.
    • What word looks the same backwards and upside down?
      SWIMS!

The last 20 jokes for kids

    • Why was the broom late?
      It over swept!
    • What’s the difference between Ms. and Mrs.?
      Mr.
    • What do you get when you plant kisses?
      Tu-lips (two-lips).
    • Where does a tree store their stuff?
      In there Trunk!
    • What did the nose say to the finger?
      Stop picking on me.
    • Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?
      A Mer-Maid
    • Where does bad light go?
      PRISM!
    • What did one plate say to the other?
      Dinners on me.
    • Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
      She had a make-up exam!
    • Where do pencils go on vacation?
      Pennsylvania.
    • What is heavy forward but not backward?
      Ton.
    • Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
      She had a make-up exam!
    • What pet makes the loudest noise?
      A trum-pet!
    • What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
      Bugs Bunny!
    • Why can you never trust atoms?
      They make up everything!
    • Name a city where no one goes?
      Electricity.
    • What did one eyeball say to the other eyeball?
      Between you and me something smells.
    • What stays on the ground but never gets dirty?
      Shadow.
    • I can run but not walk, have a mouth but can’t talk, and a bed, but I do not sleep. What am I?
      A River.
    • What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
      A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
Here is a video with Jokes for kids (Created by designtree1028)

A special group of jokes for kids is our list of Pokemon jokes. You can see them by clicking the link.

Here are other riddles and quotes we have for you

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