Jokes
Jokes for kids
Welcome to the funny jokes for kids. This category is specifically made for children and their parents. Should it happen that you find a joke that is not suitable for children, please write to me, I will remove it as soon as possible. Also if you know any good or funny jokes for kids, then submit them so other children can enjoy them.
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- Why can’t you tell a joke while standing on ice?
Because it might crack up!
- Why can’t you tell a joke while standing on ice?
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- What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you’ll rise and shine!
- What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
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- What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
- What do elves learn in school?
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- “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
“You can’t tuna fish.”
- “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
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- How does the ocean say hello?
It waves!
- How does the ocean say hello?
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- How do you cut a wave in half?
Use a sea saw.
- How do you cut a wave in half?
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- What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An Investigator.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest?
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- Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
- Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
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- What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
Punch!
- What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
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- What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey!
- What kind of key opens a banana?
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- How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
- How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
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- What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
- What gets wetter the more it dries?
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- What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
The temperature!
- What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
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- Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of school!
- Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
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- Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel!
- Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
More jokes for kids
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- What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
- What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
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- What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain.
- What do you call a pile of kittens?
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- What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
- What do you get from a pampered cow?
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- What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt!
- What did 0 say to 8?
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- Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
- Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
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- What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
Kitty Perry.
- What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
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- What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits!
- What do lawyers wear to court?
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- Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
- Why did the picture go to jail?
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- What is the most hardworking part of the eye?
The pupil.
- What is the most hardworking part of the eye?
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- What did the pencile say to the other pencil?
Your looking sharp.
- What did the pencile say to the other pencil?
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- What did Bacon say to Tomato?
Lettuce get together!
- What did Bacon say to Tomato?
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- Why did the sun go to school?
To get brighter!
- Why did the sun go to school?
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- What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
- What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
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- How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogey in it!
- How do you make a tissue dance?
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- “How do you shoot a killer bee?”
“With a bee bee gun.”
- “How do you shoot a killer bee?”
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- Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A taxi driver.
- Who earns a living driving their customers away?
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- Why was the boy sitting on his watch?
Because he wanted to be on time.
- Why was the boy sitting on his watch?
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- Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
He was a little hoarse.
- Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
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- What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
Swimming trunks.
- What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
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- Where do bees go to the bathroom?
At the BP station!
- Where do bees go to the bathroom?
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- What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta.
- What do you call a fake noodle?
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- Why did the can-crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing.
- Why did the can-crusher quit his job?
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- What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
It barked with de-light!
- What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
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- Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
At forks in the road.
- Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
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- What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
Milk and quackers!
- What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
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- Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they’re two-tired!
- Why do bicycles fall over?
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- How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it!
- How do you make holy water?
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- Why couldn’t the kid see the pirate movie?
It was rated ARR!
- Why couldn’t the kid see the pirate movie?
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- Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
- Why are frogs so happy?
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- What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A stamp.
- What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
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- Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus!
- Why did the computer go to the doctor?
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- What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
- What do you call a sleeping bull?
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- Why is England the wettest country?
Because the queen has reigned there for years!
- Why is England the wettest country?
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- What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
Man, that hit the “spot.”
- What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
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- Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
Because it was not peeling well.
- Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
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- How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
- How do Eskimos make their beds?
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- What is the tallest building in the world?
The library! It has the most stories!
- What is the tallest building in the world?
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- What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time.
- What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
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- Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!
- Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
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- What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
Spring time.
- What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
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- Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
- Why do fish live in salt water?
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- What bow can’t be tied?
A rainbow!
- What bow can’t be tied?
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- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
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- What is the best day to go to the beach?
Sunday, of course!
- What is the best day to go to the beach?
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- What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A Bed.
- What has one head, one foot and four legs?
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- What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
Ouch.
- What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
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- Where did the computer go to dance?
To a disc-o.
- Where did the computer go to dance?
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- What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A Clausterphobic.
- What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
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- What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew”.
- What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
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- Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
To get a tweetment.
- Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
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- Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head!
- Did you hear the joke about the roof?
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- Why are pirates called pirates?
Cause they arrrrr.
- Why are pirates called pirates?
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- Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
Because his friend said dinner is on me.
- Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
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- How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
- How do crazy people go through the forest?
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- What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs?
A penny.
- What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs?
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- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no-body to go with.
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
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- Where do snowmen keep their money?
In snow banks.
- Where do snowmen keep their money?
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- Why did Tony go out with a prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date!
- Why did Tony go out with a prune?
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- What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
- What do prisoners use to call each other?
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- Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming!
- Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
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- What washes up on very small beaches?
Microwaves!
- What washes up on very small beaches?
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- What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?
The road!
- What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?
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- What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?
Show me the honey!
- What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?
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- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
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- What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
Hi Cliff!
- What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
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- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
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- What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
- What do you call a funny mountain?
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- What did the candle say to the other candle?
I’m going out tonight.
- What did the candle say to the other candle?
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- What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
I think I’m coming down with something!
- What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
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- What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
- What has four wheels and flies?
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- Why did the traffic light turn red?
You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
- Why did the traffic light turn red?
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- Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
- Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
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- What do you say when you lose a wii game?
I want a wii-match!
- What do you say when you lose a wii game?
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- What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?
The Telephone.
- What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?
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- What did the blanket say to the bed?
Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!
- What did the blanket say to the bed?
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- What did the triangle say to the circle?
Your pointless!
- What did the triangle say to the circle?
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- What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
Post Office!
- What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
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- What kind of button won’t unbutton?
A bellybutton!
- What kind of button won’t unbutton?
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- Why should you take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains!
- Why should you take a pencil to bed?
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- How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
One! After that it’s not empty!
- How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
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- What dog keeps the best time?
A watch dog.
- What dog keeps the best time?
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- What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
It let out a little wine!
- What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
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- Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
- Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
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- Why do girls scouts sell cookies?
They wanna make a sweet first impression.
- Why do girls scouts sell cookies?
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- What did the man say to the wall?
One more crack like that and I’ll plaster ya!
- What did the man say to the wall?
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- Why did the tomato turn red?
It saw the salad dressing!
- Why did the tomato turn red?
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- What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Dam!
- What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
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- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
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- What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
Odor in the court.
- What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
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- Why was the student’s report card wet?
It was below C level!
- Why was the student’s report card wet?
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- Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
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- Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
Because he was a paleontologist.
- Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
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- How do you find a Princess?
You follow the foot Prince.
- How do you find a Princess?
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- Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
So he could have sweet dreams.
- Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
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- What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing.
- What did the traffic light say to the car?
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- Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop.
- Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
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- What streets do ghosts haunt?
Dead ends!
- What streets do ghosts haunt?
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- What did the penny say to the other penny?
We make perfect cents.
- What did the penny say to the other penny?
Many more jokes for kids
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- What music are balloons scared of?
Pop music.
- What music are balloons scared of?
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- What goes up when the rain comes down?
An umbrella.
- What goes up when the rain comes down?
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- Why did the robber take a bath?
Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
- Why did the robber take a bath?
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- What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
Cool Music.
- What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
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- What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
- What did the judge say to the dentist?
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- Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
- Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
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- What did the stamp say to the envelope?
Stick with me and we will go places!
- What did the stamp say to the envelope?
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- Which month do soldiers hate most?
The month of March!
- Which month do soldiers hate most?
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- Why did the belt go to jail?
Because it held up a pair of pants!
- Why did the belt go to jail?
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- Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
“Smiles”, because there is a mile between each “s”!
- Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
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- What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
Flood lights!
- What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
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- Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?
Because they’re all in High School!
- Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?
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- Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
- Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
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- When do you stop at green and go at red?
When you’re eating a watermelon!
- When do you stop at green and go at red?
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- Why did the computer break up with the internet?
There was no “Connection”.
- Why did the computer break up with the internet?
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- What do you call a book that’s about the brain?
A mind reader.
- What do you call a book that’s about the brain?
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- Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
Because he wanted to work over-time!
- Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
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- Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly!
- Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
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- Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory?
He couldn’t concentrate!
- Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory?
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- Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
He felt crummy!
- Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
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- Why did God make only one Yogi Bear?
Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
- Why did God make only one Yogi Bear?
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- How did the farmer mend his pants?
With cabbage patches!
- How did the farmer mend his pants?
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- What did the hamburger name his daughter?
Patty!
- What did the hamburger name his daughter?
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- How do you repair a broken tomato?
Tomato Paste!
- How do you repair a broken tomato?
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- Why did the baby strawberry cry?
Because his parents were in a jam!
- Why did the baby strawberry cry?
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- Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
They both depend on the batter.
- Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
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- What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
A deviled egg!
- What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
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- What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
A turkey!
- What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
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- What can you serve but never eat?
A volleyball.
- What can you serve but never eat?
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- Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
She couldn’t control her pupils!
- Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
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- What do you call a bear with no socks on?
Bare-foot.
- What do you call a bear with no socks on?
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- What runs but doesn’t get anywhere?
A refrigerator.
- What runs but doesn’t get anywhere?
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- What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
Sneakers.
- What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
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- Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
So he could tie the score.
- Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
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- Have you heard the joke about the butter?
I better not tell you, it might spread.
- Have you heard the joke about the butter?
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- What did the alien say to the garden?
Take me to your weeder.
- What did the alien say to the garden?
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- Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
- Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
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- How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop them a line!
- How do you communicate with a fish?
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- How do baseball players stay cool?
They sit next to their fans.
- How do baseball players stay cool?
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- Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
- Why was the math book sad?
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- What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
A cloud!
- What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
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- What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer?
The Space bar!
- What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer?
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- What exam do young witches have to pass?
A spell-ing test!
- What exam do young witches have to pass?
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- What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
- What do you give a dog with a fever?
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- Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
- Why did the boy eat his homework?
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- Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
Because you dribble on the floor!
- Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
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- What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Crispies!
- What do cats eat for breakfast?
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- Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
To the Baa Baa shop!
- Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
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- What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
- What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter?
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- Why does a hummingbird hum?
It doesn’t know the words!
- Why does a hummingbird hum?
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- Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party?
A party pooper.
- Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party?
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- Why can’t a leopard hide?
Because he’s always spotted!
- Why can’t a leopard hide?
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- What did the M&M go to college?
Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
- What did the M&M go to college?
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- What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A sour puss!
- What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
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- Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Its easier than walking!
- Why do birds fly south for the winter?
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- What has one horn and gives milk
A milk truck.
- What has one horn and gives milk
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- What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey!
- What kind of key opens a banana?
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- How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
- How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
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- What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
The temperature!
- What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
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- Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of school!
- Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
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- What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowntain.
- What do you call a pile of kittens?
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- What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A water bed!
- What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
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- What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?
It wooden go!
- What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?
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- Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
Neither, they both weigh a ton!
- Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
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- What do bulls do when they go shopping?
They CHARGE!
- What do bulls do when they go shopping?
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- Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls?
It was a Barbie-Q.
- Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls?
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- Where do bulls get their messages?
On a bull-etin board.
- Where do bulls get their messages?
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- What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
- What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
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- What runs but can’t walk?
The faucet!
- What runs but can’t walk?
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- Whens the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty.
- Whens the best time to go to the dentist?
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- What’s taken before you get it?
Your picture.
- What’s taken before you get it?
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- What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
Firecrackers!
- What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
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- Why did the barber win the race?
Because he took a short cut.
- Why did the barber win the race?
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- What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead and I’ll hang around!
- What did the tie say to the hat?
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- What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
- What concert costs 45 cents?
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- Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal.
- Why did the tree go to the dentist?
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- What word looks the same backwards and upside down?
SWIMS!
- What word looks the same backwards and upside down?
The last 20 jokes for kids
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- Why was the broom late?
It over swept!
- Why was the broom late?
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- What’s the difference between Ms. and Mrs.?
Mr.
- What’s the difference between Ms. and Mrs.?
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- What do you get when you plant kisses?
Tu-lips (two-lips).
- What do you get when you plant kisses?
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- Where does a tree store their stuff?
In there Trunk!
- Where does a tree store their stuff?
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- What did the nose say to the finger?
Stop picking on me.
- What did the nose say to the finger?
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- Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?
A Mer-Maid
- Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?
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- Where does bad light go?
PRISM!
- Where does bad light go?
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- What did one plate say to the other?
Dinners on me.
- What did one plate say to the other?
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- Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
She had a make-up exam!
- Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
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- Where do pencils go on vacation?
Pennsylvania.
- Where do pencils go on vacation?
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- What is heavy forward but not backward?
Ton.
- What is heavy forward but not backward?
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- Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
She had a make-up exam!
- Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
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- What pet makes the loudest noise?
A trum-pet!
- What pet makes the loudest noise?
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- What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny!
- What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
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- Why can you never trust atoms?
They make up everything!
- Why can you never trust atoms?
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- Name a city where no one goes?
Electricity.
- Name a city where no one goes?
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- What did one eyeball say to the other eyeball?
Between you and me something smells.
- What did one eyeball say to the other eyeball?
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- What stays on the ground but never gets dirty?
Shadow.
- What stays on the ground but never gets dirty?
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- I can run but not walk, have a mouth but can’t talk, and a bed, but I do not sleep. What am I?
A River.
- I can run but not walk, have a mouth but can’t talk, and a bed, but I do not sleep. What am I?
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- What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
- What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A special group of jokes for kids is our list of Pokemon jokes. You can see them by clicking the link.