Math jokes

• • Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
    Student: You told me not to use tables.

• • What happened to the plant in math class?
    It grew square roots.

• • After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
    “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
    “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

• • Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
    He worked it out with a pencil.

• • My girlfriend’s the square root of -100.
    A perfect 10, but purely imaginary.

• • Hear about the statistician 
who drowned crossing a river?
    It 
was three feet deep on average.

• • How many molecules in a bowl of guacamole?
    Avacado’s Number.

• • Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll at the school?
    They required an orientation.

• • Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
    He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

• • Two statisticians go bird hunting.
    The first one fires at the bird but overshoots by 5 feet.
    The second one fires and undershoots the bird by 5 feet.
    They both give each other a high-five and say “Got it!”.

• • Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
    Because she sprained her angle!

• • I put my root beer in a square glass.
    Now it’s just beer.

• • Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
    To get to the same side.

• • “What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?”
    “She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me.”
    “I don’t believe that she cheated on you!”
    “Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns.”

• • Why do mathematicians like parks?
    Because of all the natural logs.

• • How do you make seven an even number?
    Take the s out!

• • Why is a math book always unhappy?
    Because it always has lots of problems.

• • Did you hear the one about the statistician?
    Probably.

• • Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
    It’s two gross.

• • What do you call friends who love math?
    Algebros.

• • Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?
    They were right for each other.

• • Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

• • How do you know your math tutor is hungry?
    He’ll work for pi.

• • Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
    Because X was always 10.

• • Why don’t you do arithmetic in the jungle?
    Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!

• • Why did I divide sin by tan?
    Just cos.

• • Why didn’t the number 4 get into the nightclub?
    Because he is 2 square.

• • What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
    A roamin’ numeral.

• • Where do math teachers go on vacation?
    To Times Square.

• • Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
    Because it was over 90 degrees.

• • How do you call a one-sided nudie bar?
    A Mobius strip club.

• • Why did the mutually exclusive events break up?
    They had nothing in common.

• • What is the first derivative of a cow?
    Prime Rib!

• • Why is 6 afraid of 7?
    Because 7 8 9.

More math jokes

• • What does the zero say to the eight?
    Nice belt!

• • What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?
    A Tangent.

• • How does a math professor propose to his fiancé?
    With a polynomial ring!

• • How is an artificial Christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?
    Neither has real roots.

• • Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?
    He was better at fitting curves than hitting them.

• • What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
    The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher can do without the trash bin.

• • What is a math teacher’s favorite type of tree?
    A “Geome-tree”.

• • What is a proof?
    One-half percent of alcohol.

• • What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab?
    Snappy answers.

• • Why is the obtuse triangle always upset?
    Because it is never right.

• • Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
    They already 8! (ate).

• • What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
    A large pizza can feed a family of four.

• • What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a clock?
    Arithma-ticks!

• • What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
    A middle school math problem!

• • What is normed, complete, and yellow?
    A Bananach space.

• • Why did the boy eat his math homework?
    Because the teacher told him, it was a piece of cake.

• • How do you call the largest accumulation point of poles?
    Warsaw!

• • How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
    “I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times.”

• • What did the complementary angle say to the isosceles triangle?
    Nice Legs.

• • What is the world’s longest song?
    “Aleph-nought Bottles of Beer on the Wall.”

• • What did 2 say to 4 after 2 beat him in a race?
    2 Fast 4 U!

• • How do you know when you’ve reached your Math Professors voice-mail?
    The message is “The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again.”

• • How do you teach a blonde math?
    Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

• • What’s the king of the pencil case?
    The ruler.

The last 10 math jokes

• • Why don’t people put the numbers 2, 3, and 0 together?
    Because they are two turdy.

• • What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
    An algorithm!

• • What’s the difference between a diameter and a radius?
    A Radius.

• • What did the mathematician’s parrot say?
    A poly “no meal”.

• • What is the definition of a polar bear?
    A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation.

• • Why shouldn’t you argue with a decimal?
    Decimals always have a point.

• • What did one math book say to the other?
    Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!

• • Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
    Because it had more cents.

• • How do you solve any equation?
    Multiply both sides by zero.

• • Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
    Because you can’t drink and derive.