Chemistry jokes

• • What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
    SWAG.

• • Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
    How did it go?
    It went OK2!

• • I Heard Oxygen And Magnesium Were Going Out
    And I was like Omg.

• • Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
    He just couldn’t put it down.

• • How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate?
    A sulfone.

• • Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

• • My Teacher Threw Sodium Chloride At Me.

• • H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
    Drinking.

• • What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?
    Febreeze.

• • Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
    They’re cheaper than day rates.

• • You Must Be Made Of Uranium And Iodine
    Because all I can see is U and I.

• • How about the chemical workers.
    Are they unionized?

• • Why did the acid go to the gym?
    To become a buffer solution!

• • What do you do with a sick chemist?
    If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.

• • What is the chemical formula for “coffee”?
    CoFe2.

• • Why did Chlorine’s sisters Boron and Carbon lock her in the closet?
    Because she was too attractive!

• • I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite.
    He said NaBrO.

• • What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
    CSI.

• • Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
    They bonded well from the minute they met.

• • If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

• • What is the chemical formula for “banana”?
    BaNa2.

• • Why did the white furry bear dissolve in water?
    Because it was polar.

• • Helium walks into a bar,
    The bar tender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
    Helium doesn’t react.

• • Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

• • What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
    “Au revoir”.

• • Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
    It went OK.

• • Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
    Na.

• • What do you call a scientific plant?
    Chemis-tree.

• • Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, “AU, get outta here!”

• • What is the most important rule in chemistry?
    Never lick the spoon!

• • What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A:
    A CaNiNe.

• • Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
    The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.

• • Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
    He got Avogadro’s number!

• • What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
    A KNiFe.

• • Two chemists go into a restaurant.
    The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.”
    The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” – and he died.

• • What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
    HeHe.

• • How can you spot a chemist in the restroom?
    They wash their hands before they go.

• • As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
    Anions aren’t negative, they’re just misunderstood.

• • A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
    The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.”
    The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies “I’m positive.”

• • What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
    Methylated spirits.

Many more Chemistry jokes

• • A neutron walks into a bar.
    He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”
    The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, “For you, no charge”.

• • If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
    H2O cubed.

• • What is it called when Queen of England farts?
    A noble gas.

• • The optimist sees the glass half full.
    The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
    The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

• • What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
    A ferrous wheel.

• • If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!

• • What do you do with a dead chemist?
    Barium.

• • What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
    OH SNaP!
  • The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

• • Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
    Because it’s pretty basic stuff.

• • What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
    One molar solution.

• • What did one ion say to the other?
    I’ve got my ion you.

• • Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
    To reduce his carbon footprint.

• • I told a chemistry joke.
    There was no reaction.

• • What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?
    Separation anxiety.

• • A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. “Oh Bunsen, my flame,” the sodium pined. “I melt whenever I see you,” The Bunsen burner replied, “It’s just a phase you’re going through.”

• • Are you hydrogen? Why?
    Because I can’t live without you.

• • Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

• • What did one titration say to the other?
    “Let’s meet at the endpoint.”

• • Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: “Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!” The husband replied, “Calm down, honey. We’ll find a solution.”

• • What don’t you understand about copper?
    It makes perfect CENTS!

• • Titanium is a most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it’ll combine with anything.

• • What is “HIJKLMNO”?
    H2O.

• • Knock Knock.
    Who’s There?
    Beryl.
    Beryl who?
    Beryl and Lium.

The last 20 Chemistry jokes

• • What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
    Breaking up is hard to do.

• • Why can’t lawyers do NMR?
    Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

• • Are you made of copper and tellurium?
    Because you’re pretty CuTe!

• • What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
    They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.

• • When one physicist asks another, “What’s new?” what’s the typical response?
    C over lambda.

• • Guys, stop it with the puns.
    We’ve all sulfured enough.

• • How did the chemist survive the famine?
    By subsisting on titrations.

• • What element is derived from a Norse god?
    Thorium.

• • What did the elements say to hydrogen?
    What a loner!

• • If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

• • What kind of dogs do chemists have?
    Laboratory Retrievers.

• • This joke is sodium good.

• • Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

• • What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
    He was booked for a salt and battery.

• • Teacher: What’s the molecular formula of water?
    Student: HIJKLMNO.
    Teacher: No, that’s wrong.
    Student: But didn’t you say water is “H to O”?

• • What element is a girl’s future best friend?
    Carbon.

• • What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
    2 Na.

• • What is a house cat’s favorite chemical compound?
    MoUSe.

• • What is the name of 007’s Eskimo cousin?
    Polar Bond.

• • Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.