Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcasm is defined as the use of irony to mock or convey contempt. That is why sarcastic quotes and jokes are often used to express or cover what you really feel inside while making people laugh at the joke. But who in the world wouldn’t love sarcastic jokes/quotes? I personally often used sarcastic quotes to softly offend my work enemy in a fun way, SCORE!

Here are some great and awesome sarcastic quotes because trust me SARCASM is the second best thing you can do!

• • “If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
  • “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
  • “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
  • “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
  • “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”
  • “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
  • “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”
  • “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
  • “Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”
  • “People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”
  • “If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
  • “My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”
  • “Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”
  • “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
  • “I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”
  • “I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.”
  • “Life’s good, you should get one.”
  • “I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
  • “Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”
  • “Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.”

Sarcastic Quotes from Anonymous Author

• • Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
    ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
  • Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
    ~ P. J. O’Rourke
  • 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
    ~ Clarence Darrow
  • Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.
    ~ George Bernard Shaw
  • The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife.
    ~ David Ogilvy
  • There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
    ~ Will Rogers
  • I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.
    ~ Sarah Rees Brennan
  • When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
    ~ Sacha Guitry
  • Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.
    ~ Anonymous
  • I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
    ~ Oscar Wilde
  • You’d be in good shape, if you ran as much as your mouth.
    ~ Anonymous
  • I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
    ~ Groucho Marx
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.
    ~ Will Rogers
  • It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
    ~ Robert Frost
  • Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.
    ~ Gene Perret
  • I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
    ~ Max Kauffmann
  • Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
    ~ Robin Williams
  • Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
    ~ Billy Connolly
  • Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
    ~ Mark Twain

Best Sarcastic Quotes

• • “I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
  • “Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”
  • “If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.”
  • “Just because the voices only talk to me, doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.”
  • “Don’t argue with fools, because people from a distance can’t tell which one is you.”
  • “Forget Prince Charming. Go for the wolf. He can see you better, hear you better, and eat you better.”
  • “Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered, “Who ties your shoelaces for you?””
  • “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
  • “People ask me, “Why are you single? You’re attractive, intelligent and creative.” My reply is “I’m overqualified.””
  • “I’m definitely a morning person but often choose to sleep straight through it.”
  • “I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work.”
  • “Good judgment comes from experience. And experience? Well, that comes from poor judgment.”
  • “Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over but it’s never going to be the same again.”
  • “Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.”
  • “Don’t be an a..hole to me, cause then I have to be an a..hole to you. And I’m way better at being an a..hole than you are”
  • “In all honesty, things would’ve never worked between us. I’m a unicorn, you’re a donkey; I’m majestic, and you my love are just an ass.”
  • “Some people will only like you if you fit inside their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.”
  • “I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me.”
  • “Listen, I’m a nice person. So if I’m a b..ch to you, you need to ask yourself why.”
  • “Oh, my bad. I’m sorry for bothering you. I forgot I only exist when you need me for something.”

Video with Sarcastic Quotes

Funny Sarcastic Quotes

• • “Please submit your ideas to me today so I can submit them as my own tomorrow.”
  • “It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull.”
  • “My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.”
  • “I send pointless emails late at night to impress coworkers.”
  • “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
  • “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
  • “Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.”
  • “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”
  • “Repeating quotes from funny movies doesn’t make you funny.”
  • “You know what I like about people? Their dogs.”
  • “I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.”
  • “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”
  • “Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?”
  • “Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.”
  • “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
  • “I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.”
  • “Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.”
  • “An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.”
  • “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
  • “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”

Sarcastic Quotes are mainly use all the time. Some are more famous than others. Here you will find the most famous quotes that are being used over time. Many of these quotes tells a story about man and the development of the world, our emotions and more. I hope you like these quotes.